Monday, October 6, 2014

It's been 29.5 years....welcome back....maybe

Welcome back Saturn. In case you don’t follow astrology Saturn has returned. To me astrology is like a handbook for life. Many times I feeling I’m wandering aimlessly through my life making irrational self-destructive decisions and worrying and holding on to people, ideas and possessions that I shouldn’t. I have had moments lately where I put my head in my hands and cry (and yes sometimes scream and yell as well) because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or why I feel so out of control. So I literally look to the stars and what do I find but that after 29.5 years Saturn has come back to meet my natal Saturn. The planet, because of its proximity, takes 29.5 years to orbit the sun and so for most people they only see the return two or three times in their life. The Saturn Return is described as a wake-up call which is why so many, myself included fear its realities.

Maybe you don’t believe in astrology or that your birth sign and the planets being in and out of alignment could have anything to do with the outcome of your life. None of us are born with an instruction booklet on how we should journey through life of course. Yet do a little research on star signs and you’ll see your life and the decisions you make are anything but random. Saturn, as I’ve learned often creates a crisis that puts you face-to-face with your fears. Everyone I know seems to be having a crisis lately. It’s also said that Saturn causes a mini earthquake to the foundations which enables one to shake off what’s not really authentic. Saturn’s other alias is the Lord of Karma and its return signals an opportunity to become your own authority. Saturn is the instigator of change and its meant to lead us towards healing and the real foundation of the self.
nature reminds us change can be beautiful

I could use a little healing myself these days.

Astrologers say it’s important to, “Do your Saturn,” which means taking steps to master the qualities of your Saturn sign. So I did a little research on a site called which plugs in your birth date, city, and name to map out your astrological chart. I must say I was blown away by the results. This isn’t horoscopes in the back of a fashion magazine, this is a mapped out guide to yourself based on birth. What I learned about myself was nothing entirely new, but the descriptions were a sobering reminder that who I am was born in the stars.

“You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident, and dominant.” – I think my sister and husband would agree with this trait which often gets me into trouble.

“You require strenuous situations in order to grow and mature properly, even though you try to avoid them.” – I’m constantly told I make my life harder than it is in my approach to situations and relationships. I apparently enjoy the stress.

“You tend to talk on at times seemingly just to fill space” – Yes and more yes. It’s an annoying habit of mine I know.

“You are very obsessive and compulsive in your approach to things.” – Hiking 14ers immediately comes to mind…when I find an activity I like I become compulsive about whatever that may be.

“You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. You love to entertain in a big way” – Have you been on one of my retreats or to a Magee soiree? I have been throwing parties since high school.

My astrology map was of course even longer than the aforementioned but these little tidbits stuck out. There was even suggestions about me controlling my talking, focusing on personal relationships and avoiding being too much of a show off. Reading this was like a slap in the face from the universe; a refreshing acknowledgement to who I am and who I’ve always been and who I’ll continue to be.

Saturn returning has been a huge wakeup call for me. I had become complacent in so many areas of my life without even realizing. There are many days I’ve cried thinking I’m failing as a mother, a wife, daughter, and friend. Yet, like the I-Ching says, chaos is another name for opportunity. Saturn is trying to lead me towards myself and I’ve been running away. In myth, Saturn is also the God of the Harvest and like a harvest the old is being cut away which feels like a death of the self. Death is never easy to cope with but it also bring about rebirth and a new chapter and start. I can use this time in my life as an opportunity to plant new seeds and manifest new growth. I will always be who I am, but the bad habits and mistakes of my past don’t have to follow me into my future.

In yoga class the other day my teacher, Dawnelle, talked about how we need to step out of the shadow we create for ourselves. I realize now that I have cast a pretty large shadow which I’ve been walking in as of lately. I’ve let others views of me cloud my vision of who I know I am and it’s taken a toll both mentally and physically. My yoga teacher reminded me there is no good or bad that’s just labels we put on each other and situations. We are all just regular people trying to make it in life and out of the stars we were created and will one day return. Closing on a new house Friday I know that now is time for new beginnings and fresh starts. We have been stuck in this purgatory of in-between for a while and now we move forward (literally and physically). Even the house we bought will get new paint, carpet, flooring and with it a new life and memories. Our physical bodies are much in the same – the exterior remains but what’s inside can shift, change, be dusted off and cleaned to a more inhabitable space.

I will always be who I am but with this new awareness I can be the best version of myself.

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