Thursday, August 11, 2016

To go where there are no trails...

Culebra Peak is the only privately owned 14er in Colorado. Once a year for two short months, the Texan who owns the land opens the gates to hikers. There's no set calendar date his website launches for sign up but rather "sometime in May." I took to reading threads for information on when registration for permits would begin. My adventure wife Dawnelle had read the book I'd given her, "Halfway to Heaven," about a guy who hikes all the 14ers in one summer and decided Culebra was the one mountain she'd climb with me. The $150 price tag was her motivation to hike with me, she thought it'd be unique to conquer a mountain with no trails.

You don't turn down an offer like that.

The site was initially hacked and shortly after registration opened the dates for summer showed full. Your only options are Friday - Sunday in June and July so it's a very short window to pick a date. I read rants on about people who were upset they didn't get a chance to get a permit and I felt heartbroken as well. I had been checking the website every day in May and was sure I wasn't going to miss my chance. Then at the bottom of a thread on Culebra was a comment that the website was back up and running and dates were still open. I remember sitting at lunch by myself and nearly choking on my food looking at Cielo Vista Ranch's site - there in June and July a few dates were open. I called Dawnelle and asked if she was still in as quick as my fingers would dial and I booked our Friday spots right away.

We had permits. We were in.

Except there was only one permit left for Friday and 5 left for Saturday. I didn't recognize this when I booked so I had my date secured a day before Dawnelle. I emailed the hotmail address on the website and begged to let us hike together. I heard nothing back. I called a number I found on for the ranch (there's no number on the site) and didn't hear back. I emailed three more times and finally heard back a week later.

Yes it was OK if we showed up together, just show up in the same car and bring our receipts and waiver.

Hiking a private mountain is the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. I'm accustomed to permits and registration fees and following state and federal land laws and treading lightly. I've never paid a private party for the experience of checking a mountain off my list of 58 peaks. We drove almost clear to Taos and showed up at the gates of the ranch the Thursday before the hike. According to instructions the ranch hand would be there at 6am sharp Friday to open the gates and if you weren't there you were left behind. We weren't sure where to camp because beyond the gate was a sign that said, "Camping" and a port-a-potty but there was also a no trespassing sign on the gate. Which one made more sense? There was no cell phone service at the ranch so we drove back into the tiny town of Crestone and checked websites for any clue on where to unpack our tent. After much debate we concluded that we were allowed to camp inside the gate so we drove back and set up our site. 

There were no other cars. There was only a tiny sign on the gate saying Cielo Vista Ranch. Imagine our confusion. I knew the ranch only granted 25 permits a day and since Friday was sold out there had to be more people arriving. We tailgated at my truck, made dinner and hung out until finally a few more cars showed up. No one camped but us and one gentleman even refused our offer of hamburgers and beer at our tailgate. You'd think a small group of people that were all there for the same reason would have more interaction but people were treating it more like the night before the Hunger Games.


Well game on.

At 5:30am Ron arrived. He's a carhart, cowboy hat and boot wearing ranch hand who's got the fortunate job for working for a bunch of lawyers at Cielo Vista. His job is to let us in, keep dogs out, collect proof of payment and make sure we don't cause him any trouble. We all followed him to a tiny cabin with sparse furniture and crowded around a table while he gave us the lowdown. Dawnelle and I were the only ones who made coffee before we left camp and the others were eyeing us suspiciously. I made friends with Ron in the parking lot though because he was impressed by my huge Ford truck and the fact we were the only ones who camped.
"People who sleep in their cars are dumb" he remarks.

"Make sure you sign out, " he tells us at what feels like an awkward first day of camp. "I've got a lot to do and I don't want to be out looking for you while you're home drinking coffee."

Then he turns us loose.

Let me tell you what it's like to hike a mountain with no trails - it's like watching children being turned loose on a playground. Part of what makes this mountain so special is they only allow 25 people a day for three days a week two months of the year. They prefer no one follow one another because they'd rather not see the mountain be destroyed. It sounds counter productive but it's actually brilliant. You see on regular 14ers a group call the CFI maintains the trails. Over time the trails become bigger because people don't walk in single file lines. Then on the trails rain and water start to flow down these trails making them muddy making people even more likely to go off trail. The more people on a trail the wider it becomes and the more the mountain is impacted. The CFI will then have to go in, reroute the trails and close the old one to let the ground have time to heal which can take years. 
No trails means you're welcome to climb wherever you like. We saw people to the left and right and decided that the most direct route was straight up. It had rained the night before and the fog lingered in the morning. Ron had asked us if we all had GPS because people would regularly follow the wrong drainage down in low visibility putting oneself 13 miles off track. I certainly didn't want to be lost on this private property but I also didn't have a GPS so I did the next best thing - photographing our route up. Other 14ers have cairns built to show the way but on this one all but one is forbidden. At the very top of the climb before you started the ridge walk there was a very large cairn that Ron told us marked the way down towards the parking lot.

"Don't down climb before the cairn, " he said. "You might end up in New Mexico.


Despite starting after everyone else since we parked at the lower lot we started passing people once we reached the ridge. The clouds were coming and going but no threatening thunder so we pushed on. The thing about paying for a mountain climb, one you undertake without a guide, is that there's a part of your brain that tells you to press forward. You can't get a refund for rain so you might as well go as long as you can as far as you can as safe as you can. There wouldn't be a second chance. Once on the rocks the route became more clear because you could clearly see where others feet had pressed the rocks into place making a trail of sorts. We climbed until we were then in the clouds and visibility was gone.

Out of the mist we saw a girl approaching us. "Is this the top?" we asked. 

No, she said, we still had another 20 minutes to go. Onward we climbed into the fog until we determined, via a rock wind shelter, that this was, indeed, the top. Our initial plan was to hike the Centennial Red Mountain via the connecting ridge but the weather wasn't holding out for us. Dawnelle had forgot gloves and was wearing my socks as gloves and her minimalist shoes had become wet so her feet were cold. The wind was howling around us and clouds were moving in and out. When you're not hiking a popular peak there aren't the crowds you'd normally see so you have to consider if you get lost or stuck how long will it be before anyone notices?
at the summit

making our way down

So we climbed down. 

Despite not being a technical peak, Culebra was certainly a challenge. No trails means no solid ground through the tundra and we found ourselves side stepping rocks and marmot holes that one wouldn't normally have to worry about. The grass was slick so I took to walking in a zig-zag pattern on the way down to mimic switch backing. Fortunately the clouds had started to clear enough that the parking lot was in my line of site which took the guesswork on the down climb. It took about 5 hours round-trip for us to climb and though I would have liked to start earlier you really have no choice because the ranch chooses the 6am time. We met a couple on our way down who gave us a ride to our car then we had lunch before packing up and signing out at the cabin. On the sign out sheet is the printed code to unlock the gate which you must manually do yourself on the way out. The wet dirt road we traveled on made me glad I'd brought my truck with 4wd or we would have never made it to the trail head that morning. Driving home took longer than the hike and as afternoon clouds rolled in I looked at the Crestone's driving by and was glad we weren't on a more treacherous peak.
always causing trouble

weather improving slightly on the way down

So was it worth it? To me, absolutely. To have the chance to hike a 14er that could, at any given time be closed off to the public forever was worth the $150. The sense of solitude you have on a peak that only 23 other people are climbing that day, all through their own routes is unlike any other peak I've experienced. If you're going to hike all the 14ers or just want a special experience I'd say the drive, the primitive camping and the cost to get there are all validated. My only regret is the mountain is only open to hunters in the fall because the surrounding aspens on the property would make a beautiful fall colors hike. I'm so thankful I have someone in my life willing to take upon a journey such as Culebra Peak. In truth I would have saved it for close to last out of principal for paying for a hike. But then you realize how many other hikes, gorgeous hikes all over the state are free and it suddenly seems like a small price to pay to have the place to yourself.

Who knows, maybe I'll even do it again...

Friday, August 5, 2016

Why I gave up on my daughter...

I’ve given up on my daughter.

It’s not for lack of trying on my part – I’ve done everything I can do. There just comes a point in every parents’ life when you must admit that it’s time to walk away no matter how much it pains you to do so. I’m sure my daughter will be fine in the end. In fact, she may even be better off without me.

Friends, I’m over potty training.

When my daughter Charlotte was about a year old I had an acquaintance tell me that her daughters were both potty trained by 18 months. This seemed like an amazing alternative to changing diapers and a milestone to look forward too. So when she was a year and a half I went out and I bought a small green potty with a princess crown etched on it that sang songs anytime liquid hit the bowl. I proudly brought it home like a shiny new toy and sat it in the corner of the living room. I swapped diapers for much more expensive pull-ups and even hopefully bought some panties for toddlers.

“We’re potty training!” I announced to my husband and daughter.

As if that were all it would take.

I must say we started off on the right note. My daughter was curious about the potty and she used it here and there. The thing about singing potties is they don’t just play music when they’re used, they like to go off at three in the morning as well much to everyone’s surprise. Still, I thought we were on the fast track to having my daughter ditch the diapers and become the oldest kid in class not in diapers at school.

Then she broke her tibia and fibula.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the misfortune of having a child with a broken leg and a cast that extends up to her thigh but it’s horrible. The cast isn’t the worst part it’s the fact your child regresses and has to relearn how to walk, sit and sleep. We couldn’t get pants up and down her leg, let alone pull-ups so we switched back to diapers. Charlotte started sleeping in our bed because she had to have her leg propped up on a pillow or the weight of the cast caused immense pain. We went from having a two-year old to what felt like an infant once again. Potty training took a back seat and we all but forgot about the princess potty. I bought a Costco size amount of pull-ups. I waived my white flag and admitted defeat.

When I enrolled Charlotte in a pre-k program at a new school this past May I lied and told the teacher she was potty trained. They encouraged the children to only wear pull-ups at nap time and to bring them to school in underwear. I broke the rules and sent her in pull-ups in favor of being sent home bags of laundry to wash from accidents all day. Then her other childcare center she’s also attending (she’s enrolled in two schools making weekdays nothing short of chaos) sent home a note telling me to send Charlotte in underwear along with several outfit changes because they were working really hard on potty training the classroom as well. My husband lamented that our daughter simply could not be trained to use a toilet. No amount of bribing or fancy potty’s worked and she just did not care if she wet her pants or wet the floor. We thought we might as well stock up on adult diapers because that’s where our lives were headed.

Then I did the unthinkable, I truly gave up. I looked around me at the parents I admired and that seems to be what worked best for all of them. I watched my friends whose child still carried around a bottle or pacifier or sleeps in bed with them – none of them seemed phased. I noted that while our child may not have been ready to give up diapers, it seemed every child around us had a “thing” they clung too. Perhaps it’s partly the parents fault for us not wanting our children to grow up; to enjoy the fact they still needed us. I know potty training is one of the few milestones Charlotte can learn on her own and I had to eventually throw away my timeline and start taking cues from hers. She wasn’t ready to let go of the diapers and that was OK because maybe I wasn’t either.

Incidentally last week I launched operation, “we’re wearing panties and I don’t care what happens to them.” I went to Target and filled my basket with toddler underwear and filled her drawer where the pull-ups and diapers once were. I told my husband from now on Charlotte was wearing underwear and I didn’t care what happened to them or how many outfit changes we went through. I took her on a 3 hour plane ride to visit my sister shortly after and brought only two diapers with me. I knew I was rolling the dice to bring a potty training toddler solo on a plane but I was through worrying.

We ditched the diapers once and for all.

So perhaps your child was wearing underwear before mine – who cares. As parents we need to stop comparing our children to one another and realize our child is unique and special and will outgrow certain habits as they’re ready. My daughter never sucked her thumb, drank a bottle past a year, slept in our bed past infancy (minus the cast incident) or carried a blanket everywhere so refusal to use the potty just happened to be her deal

I’m sure in the future I’ll have many more moments where I’ll have to stick my hands in my pockets and accept the fact she’s better off without my guidance. 

I’ve learned it’s Ok to give up on your child and let them enjoy whatever phase they’re currently in. This was always meant to be her milestone, not mine.

In the meantime I’ll just be stocking up on Clorox wipes and carpet cleaner.