I would like to thank my friend Felicia for inspiring me to
write this post. This is a reminder and an open ended letter to her, to myself
and to all the other mom’s and mom’s to be out there. I want you to read this,
to learn it, memorize it, tie it to a stick and beat yourself with it…
You, yes YOU are beautiful. In fact you are more than
beautiful you are fucking fantastic. I know you may not see it and you may
never see it but truth is you are.
Of course every woman should hear this but right now I’m
speaking to all those out there with a post baby body I know you because I am
you. Just when you started to accept that baby bump and your changing body then
BAM that baby was born and here you
are left with an empty shell of a body. No longer a container for a baby, your
body is probably now a stranger to you. Depending on the type of labor and
delivery you had you may not be able to work out for up to six weeks after the
baby was born. I started at two because working out for me isn’t about vanity
it’s about sanity. As much as I thought I would hate it, I grew to love my
pregnant body and my curves. I loved wearing tight maternity tops to show off
my growing baby. I had a place to rest my hands and my cereal bowl. People
would stare at me with a mix of awe and wonderment and friends and strangers
alike would touch my belly. When I worked out I know I was inspiring others to
try their best because “hey, if the pregnant lady can do it, so can I!” My body
was a temple housing a tiny person and giving it all the love and nourishment
and nutrition it needed without me having to think.
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| 38 weeks |
Then after 39 long weeks I
had a wonderful natural drug free quick 8 hour labor and delivery with no
tearing. My body had done its job and now I was ready to have it back to myself.
However, the body I was left with post-partum wasn’t the same one I had going
in to the journey.
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| three days post partum |
I was not prepared for how different my body would be post
baby. I know it has only been nine weeks and I must give it time but it’s hard.
I feel as though, since I’m not carrying the baby on the inside anymore that I
should look the same as I always had. There are no stretch marks but there is
extra skin on my stomach which is not tight anymore. There are pants that
refuse to fit over my thighs and buttons which will not close over my waist.
Due to breast feeding my boobs are bigger so my tops don’t fit the same. I’m in
the purgatory of clothing wearing land – not quite ready to fit into all my
pre-baby clothing but too small to fit into maternity wear. My hair has started
to fall out. Don’t even get me started on my bladder and how jumping and
running are my new worst enemies.
Yet, like those that climb Everest I so admire, I refuse to
give up. I drag my butt out of bed every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for
bootcamp outside at City Park.
I’m fighting for my old body with every burpee, box jump, squat, crawl, sit up
and push up. I’m fighting for something that I’m pretty certain will never look
the same again no matter how hard I try. I am learning to accept that this is
OK. I hear people tell me all the time how good I look and how fabulous my
post-baby body is and I have a very hard time accepting their words. I look in
the mirror and see something totally different than what they see. I feel my
tighter pants and with them defeat and I know I’m not alone. So for myself, my
friends and for everyone else out there I’m going to stop listening to myself
and start listening to everyone else. And I hope you listen to me too when I
say this,
You are beautiful. You are fantastic. You are amazing.
Your body just gave birth to a baby and that is an
achievement. That, my friend, is what your body is made to do. It’s not made to
have six pack abs or rippling biceps. Your body isn’t made to look good in a
thong or have thighs of steel. Having your body look like a Victoria
secret models is a little bit of genetics and a lot of work day in and day out.
Your body’s ultimate purpose…how it was designed…is to give birth. Whether you
had a c-section or vaginal delivery you have to thank your body for creating
and sustaining life.
So be proud of the body you have. It won’t ever look the
same and that’s something you and me and everyone else just has to get over.
You may have stretch marks, hemorrhoids, a leaky bladder, bags under your eyes
from lack of sleep, wider hips or bigger thighs now and that’s ok. It’s the new
you. When you realize how many women hope, pray, beg and cry and pay thousands
of dollars for the experience of carrying a baby then you will be grateful. There
are women who would take your complaining over your post baby body any day just
for the chance to have a child. So thank your body and love each and every
little perfection. You may not look the same as you did before…I know I don’t,
but I’m a mother now. So are you.
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| bikini body last year |
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| bikini body this year |
And to me that’s a new kind of beautiful. Embrace it.
Because everyone looking at you thinks you look damn fine.
Trust me. Really…you do.
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