I feel like the next wave of babies is starting. I know so
many people who are pregnant right now…some out in the open and some who still
haven’t revealed it to the social media world yet, but all whom are gearing up
for motherhood. I remember when I was pregnant and I looked at other women who
had their babies’ earth side and I would think to myself, “I can’t wait for
that day. I can’t wait to hold my baby on the outside.” While I enjoyed the
ease of pregnancy and being able to do pretty much whatever I desired, I still
couldn’t wait to meet the life growing inside me. Then once my baby was born I
would look at other babies and think, “I can’t wait until mine gets bigger like
that. I can’t wait until she can sit up on her own or eat solid food.” As much
as I loved having a newborn those first three months were a blur of sleepless
nights and wishing for the next step. Now I wish time would stop and Charlotte
would stay right where she is in her growth: sweet, unable to talk back, an
avid napper, one who isn’t mobile and no teeth in sight.
Whenever I talk to my other mom friends now the conversation
always turns to, “Why doesn’t anyone tell you these things?!” Although the road
to becoming a parent is a well traveled one, it’s not a journey most seem eager
to share the conditions of. This morning, while lying in bed nursing Charlotte
I started to think back on our journey in the first three months and how hard
it was. Hard. That’s a word I use to describe the first three months. While I
do not know the exact path my friends who are expecting will follow I can tell
you two things: it’s hard and then it gets better. You won’t believe me on
either account until you experience it for yourself but that’s the truth.
I’m here to tell you what your other friends might not. You
don’t have to believe me now, but come back to this after your baby is born and
read this at 3am when you are nursing.
Then you’ll know you are not alone.
From the moment you have your baby it will be hard.
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| after the adrenalin goes away...shit gets real |
Most people that have
large amounts of bleeding or major abdominal surgery after withstanding hours
of tears, pain and even vomiting are left alone to recover. Not you because you
just had a baby. You will barely recover before you’ll be prompted to
breastfeed from breasts that you’ve had all your adult life but never had to
use in any way shape or form before. Breast feeding will be hard. You may not
be able to even do it and that’s OK. Your baby may not latch, it may be tongue
tied, your nipples may crack and bleed and your breasts will engorge and you
will feel like millions of fire ants are crawling inside your skin. If you want
to breast feed then stick with it and fight for it. Know that nurses will come
in every two hours and to your humiliation will grab your breasts and show you
how to shove a nipple in your babies mouth the right way. You may think you
know what you are doing but trust me you have no idea. All those family members
and friends you want to come visit you in the hospital and at home after baby?
They will see your breasts so get over it. Tell them to get over it. Don’t even
worry about that cute “hooter hider” you got from your baby shower because you
won’t put it to use. Not yet anyways. There’s too much going on and it’s too
much of a process to feed your baby to worry about putting that damn thing on
beforehand.
So your body is wrecked, it’s going to hurt to pee for
awhile if you had a vaginal birth (don’t even think about your first bowel
movement it’s as bad as you might imagine afterwards) and now you have a living
being to take care of that comes with no instruction book. You’ll think you
know how to swaddle and you’ll fail the first few times. Most of those clothes
you got at the baby shower won’t fit so you may have to send family out and buy
infant clothes. Baby will sleep just long enough for you to get one or two
things done (showering or teeth brushing top the list) and then it will be time
to feed again. You will feel like all you do is feed and all anyone else does
is hold your baby. This is pretty much the truth. Everyone will say to sleep
when your baby sleeps but know this may not be possible for awhile. You will be
so busy returning phone calls, seeing visitors or having family or trying to
eat that you won’t sleep when the baby sleeps. When you do try to sleep the
baby will be awake and you’ll become a zombie after three weeks. I remember
distinctly crying a lot in those first few weeks. Crying because I was up at midnight, then two, then four, then six; always
feeding and not knowing if I was doing it right. I suggest you buy yourself a
nice robe because that’s what you’ll be in for awhile. Get a nursing bra while
you are at it to sleep in. No one tells you that as your hormones regulate back
to some normalcy that you will sweat while you sleep. You will wake up covered
in sweat. Until your milk regulates you’ll wake up covered in milk too from
leaky breasts. I was always diligent about using breast pads during the day but
at night, after waking every two hours to feed…well sometimes those just didn’t
make it back in the bra. My bed was covered in them in the morning. That and
the boppy and blankets and diapers. You may want to invest in a king size bed.
You will fret whether to have the baby in its own crib or in your bed. Hope you
didn’t spend a lot on crib sheets because it’s going to be awhile before baby
is in her own room. Most nights Charlotte
just slept on my chest with me paralyzed in fear that if I moved she’d roll off
or worse wake up. You won’t sleep and it will make you a crazy person. And by crazy
person I mean hormonal lunatic who cries at everything, who sometimes looks at
their own baby with a mixture of disgust and fear, and who contemplates packing
their bags and running away.
And that’s OK.
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| take advantage of nap time when you can |
Everyone who’s had kids before will tell you it gets better.
Everyone you meet will ask you if your baby is sleeping through the night. And
you will want to kill them all. In your mind you will think it’s never going to
get better; that your body will always look and feel horrible and your baby will
never sleep. It’s not true but that’s what your zombie brain will tell you.
Then somewhere around 12 weeks, just when it’s time to go
back to work, it will be better. You will have found your grove and your new
normal and you will settle in. Similar to being in a yoga class and being made
to hold a pose for so long that eventually you forget you are holding it and
you forget you hate it and your mind travels elsewhere and you start to like
it. You will get better at breast feeding and will eventually master the side
lying technique so you and baby can both fall back asleep during early morning
feedings. Your boobs will stop leaking and you will quit peeing yourself every
time you stand upright. If you had a vaginal birth your post partum
hemorrhaging will subside and you can work out again without feeling like every
jumping jack will kill you. You will build the confidence to leave the house by
yourself without worrying about meltdowns. You may even become adventurous
enough to fly on an airplane to visit family (to which you might immediately
regret your decision but hey you tried right?). No one can tell you when this
day may come but it will come and you will start to feel like you can actually
handle this mom thing after all.
Then something will happen and you will question yourself
once again. Your baby may accidentally almost suffocate from pulling a pillow
over its head while you are an arms length away (true story). Or perhaps baby
chokes on a piece of frozen fruit you give her or you drop your iphone on her
head while nursing and browsing facebook. Your dog may be sweetly lying beside
your baby and then get up in such a panic for no reason that it claws your
baby’s face with it’s paws (also a true story) leaving you in tears (even
though baby escaped without a scratch). Every day you will fail as a parent but
you will also learn and grow and become more confident. Failing is a part of
what makes you succeed. Some days you will just do what you have to in order to
get by and others you will feel like the best parent there ever was.
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| introducing charlotte to the pacific ocean - one day you will get your body back |
No one ever tells you what the journey is going to be like,
what the path before you holds because here’s the truth: none of us really know
the first thing about traveling it ourselves. But we do the best we can.
If you’re lucky you’ll have a friend like me who can
honestly tell you the very worst of it and have faith you’ll get through it
just like we all do. Try not to wish for the next thing and just enjoy what is
no matter how bad or dark those times may seem. Because one day the fog lifts
and you’ll stand there with your 7 month old wondering what the hell happened
and how you ended up on the other side of the worst of it.
Your body, your confidence, your life…it will all come back
to you but those days with your newborn won’t. So enjoy…even at 3am.
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| they change a lot by 7 months |
