Monday, November 5, 2012

Pleased to meet you....

I had a chance to meet the sweet potato today. Of all the appointments this is the one I was looking forward to the most. My mom flew in town for the weekend so she could come to the ultrasound with us. Living in Birmingham she may only be a two hour flight away but she feels miles apart in distance and I think, somewhat sad she cannot be here for me day to day. We spent the weekend going to brunch and shopping for my first (of what I’m sure will be many) baby items. I’ll admit all the “gear” is a little overwhelming and it’s difficult to shop for someone you’ve never even met. Life has also come full circle because I want to cloth diaper and my mom cloth diaper so she was full of helpful advice as we looked through the many brands and “systems.” I know things have changed over the years and I love and appreciate all my friends input but in all due respect my mom raised four kids so I default to her for a lot of help in these manners.

I did not want to know the gender. I have friends that tell me, “Oh I couldn’t stand not knowing,” and that’s all fine for them but as for me I don’t care. Knowing won’t change anything or how I feel. I just want to get to know the baby for what it is – a little person shaping and molding and growing each day in the space I provide. I don’t need to plan a themed nursery, I don’t need to pick a specific name, I don’t need that information to bond. I will say I’ve had three dreams on what the gender is and in the last dream I was spelling out the name to register it for pre-school. So maybe I’ll go with that name or maybe it will be that gender. Maybe not. I try to take these things as they come.

So to the sweet potato growing inside me - I must tell you that I feel like we know each other a little bit better now. Of course you can’t see me you can only hear me so I have an unfair advantage. Sitting in the dark ultrasound room it was like we were watching a movie on the television not looking at a beating heart and kidneys and a spine. The ultrasound techs commented on how photogenic you are which means you’ll fit in here perfectly. And like me, you were an active one. I could see you open and close your fists. Watched you turn your head and cross your legs. You let them take some gorgeous pictures of you then would turn this way and that teasing the Intern tech who was just getting his bearings of what he needed to look at before you’d shy away. Everyone comments on how small I am and how I don’t look pregnant for almost five months but you are in the 54 percentile meaning that yes, at 10oz you are two days bigger than most babies your size. 
week 19 about to kick some people's ass in spin class

I guess all that healthy eating has paid off because you sure are enjoying and that’s what matters. Your spine looks ok, you have 4 chambers in your heart, a whole brain, fingers, toes, kidneys, a nose, lips and everything looks to be in place. I really cannot believe that 4 months ago you didn’t exist. And now here you are. You blow my mind and celebrating this month of gratitude I am grateful for you.

I have said before that I never really knew if I wanted kids or not. And I’m still not sure what kind of world I am brining someone into. Life is tough, messy, beautiful and scary all at once and sometimes seems hardly the place for innocent children. But I am grateful to experience pregnancy to see just how life begins. My ego wanted to deny myself of this experience but so far it’s been awe inspiring. To see what started as just two pink lines on a pregnancy test an a blip on a screen evolve into a little being that can open and close it’s mouth and fists and move is surreal. To feel something move around inside you and watch it move on the screen is as bizarre as it is natural. I’m glad I could share this with both my mom and Chad – two people who probably wanted children for me even more than I wanted them for myself. I feel even more of a responsibility and duty now to protect and love.

On Wednesday I’ll be officially halfway there. I’m in no hurry. I am not anxious. I’ll meet the sweet potato soon enough and so will everyone else. But for now here’s a look at the curious wonder that is….

head is on the right in case you can't tell it's a profile shot.

another profile shot with the mouth open, maybe saying hi? laughing at us?

that's a shot of the hand the fingers are on the far right and you can see the arm bones and elbow

both arms or maybe practicing boxing

the legs with the heels on the left. It's got knobby knees and chicken legs like chad

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing!!! The way you write about the experience is incredibly moving. I'm so happy for you.