Happy first year of life Charlotte

Dear baby Charlotte,

I can't believe a year ago today you were born. I remember being up in the morning about this same time last year on Easter with contractions. I thought my stomach was just acting up until I realized the pain was lasting about a minute and was coming every 5 minutes or so. The day you were born is still so fresh in my mind I remember almost everything...

I remember the look on my doula Casey's face when she saw me hunched over the toilet in the bathroom. I remember rolling around on the exercise ball in the living room while your dad was trying to make breakfast for everyone. I remember when Casey deemed it time to head to the hospital and my mom trying to take a picture of us with her camera phone while I patiently tried to smile through the agony of a contraction before leaving the house.

I remember the triage of the hospital. How they made us wait alone in there until they realized that yes I was in labor and I could be admitted. No one even gave me a ride in a wheelchair up to the birthing room because I still don't think they were convinced entirely I was in labor. I remember getting into the bathtub where I immediately felt better because it was like a little cave I could hide in. No one else was in the room for awhile except me, Casey, Chad and our friend Kelsey who just happened to be working at the hospital that Sunday. They all sat outside the tub and watched me for hours. Your heart beat was like a sound machine for the room once they hooked up a monitor to me. I still remember that "thump thump" echo sound letting us know you were ok and would soon be here to great us.

with the midwife ann who delivered you

I remember getting out of the tub and trying to push when they said it was time. There was so much pain then but my motivation was to bring you earth side. I pushed on my side for awhile then on my back and I knew it wouldn't be long. There were times I wanted to give up because the pain was too great. I could feel everything and I know I shed a few tears and screamed so much my throat was sore for days afterwards. They told me to feel for your head as they thought that would motivate me. What a strange thing for you to be half earth side and half in utero for awhile there. Did you know what was happening? Did you know where you were going? Was it as hard for you as it was for me to make the journey to see each other for the first time?

Our 39 week journey together came to an end with the midwife saying, "reach down and grab your baby." I pulled you out and on to my chest where we both cried. I think it took a few minutes for me to get it together enough to hold you up and see what I already knew in my heart..that you were a girl.
You were my Charlotte. A name I had picked out before I ever even knew my desire to have you in my life. Eight hours was all it took to bring you into this world and I will never forget how happy I was to have one journey come to an end so a new chapter could begin.

I remember eating a plate full of strawberries after you were born. They told me I could order any food I wanted and that's what I ate. This weekend we had your first birthday party and that is the type of cake we had for you...strawberry. The irony is not lost on me. In a year I have watched you grow from a helpless infant to a stubborn, curious and watchful toddler. Your skin is no longer yellow with jaundice, but a beautiful pale white. You still have blue eyes and no hair that much has stayed the same. You are still watchful of everything around you and so strong and determined. You make me laugh and smile every day. You can wave, pull up on furniture, you have 4 teeth and you charm everyone you meet. You are our char char binks, our babylove, our llama, our Charlie, our Charlotte.

I remember so much from the day you were born and how aware and real it became that first night we spent together. Your cries and noises you made letting us know we'd never be alone again. A year later, you now sleep in your own room but I am always aware of your presence. I never sleep as hard or as long as I did before you.

with your doula Casey who helped bring you in this world

This weekend we celebrated you with a Charlotte's web themed party. Everyone was there to celebrate you and your life. Congratulations you made it a year on this earth.  You won't remember your party but that's ok....we and all our friends will remember it for you. I had everyone sign a copy of Charlotte's Web so years from now when we read it together you will see those signatures and well wishes and know you are just as loved as you were the day you were born. The party was all for you and created from a place of love. I hope you felt surrounded by it and know how many people are rooting for you as you grow.

 

 

 

As a parent my job is to be the keeper of your stories. To remember for you and create memories and moments for you. I hope I am doing a good job. I can't make every second wonderful but I will remember it all for you....the good an the bad and we will fill in the chapters of the story of your life for you. I will re-read them to you someday should you start to forget....you can reread them for me when I am old and do the same.

Happy first birthday my baby love. I cannot believe a year has already gone by. I am so thankful and proud to call you my daughter. Let's enjoy each day on this next journey together around the sun. Let's write the next chapter together and fill it with love...

first family photo

The worst piece of advice given to mom's-to-be out there....

My final piece for our three part series on The Good, The Bad and The WTF advice soon-to-be parents receive can be filed under bad as well as wtf. This advice extends to expectant mothers and is given by everyone from authors, friends, strangers and family. It is, quite possibly the worst advice I have ever received while pregnant and the one that, personally has the greatest consequences.

"Don't work out. If you already are, stop working out."

You read that sentence right. Don't work out pregnant ladies.

I first encountered this advice when reading a horrible book passed on to me by a massage therapist called, "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicki Lovine. The premise of the book is that the author has complied a list of everything your girlfriends should tell you about pregnancy and labor. I should have stopped reading at the chapter where the author suggested your husband should reward you with a push present for having the baby. I went on to read how the author suggested you not be a hero and "Just take the drugs." Great so the author is basically telling women to lie on their backs drugged up an await their diamond tennis bracelet for having their baby cut out of them. Where I put down the book in disgust however, was when the author suggested that pregnant women should stop working out. The author lists 8 main reasons:

To me the most insulting are numbers 3. You will get fat anyways and 8. Our compulsion to exercise when we are pregnant is a reflection of our inability to surrender and let nature run its course.

Why is this book in print and why did 78 out of 139 people give it five stars on Amazon? I thought this book was a joke but as I kept reading I could see the author was serious. You'll get fat anyways? First of all you aren't getting fat you are growing a baby. Working out while pregnant isn't about trying to have a six pack it's about maintaining a healthy lifestyle so you can be mentally and physically prepared for labor and the post partum period. Second of all wanting to exercise and be healthy doesn't mean you aren't letting nature run its course. This implies that being physically fit is somehow an anomaly and as humans we are supposed to sit on the couch and not move for nine months while we grow a baby. Do you think animals sit around while pregnant? If they did they would be vulnerable to predators and thus would be eaten pretty quickly.

As much as I'd like to believe other women aren't taking this advice, I see first hand that they do in fact believe this horrible advice. I have a third trimester pregnancy video (which you can watch here) which I filmed while about 37 weeks pregnant myself that focuses on toning and sculpting the butt and arms. In the video there is a five minute warm-up followed by 5 exercises intended to be done for 30seconds to 1 minute each. If you did the whole video at 1 minute per exercise you'd be looking at about a 20 minute at home work-out. While the video has almost 100,000 views and 500+ great reviews there are about 30 dislikes. A few women have commented on the video that they were looking for something more "mild" and the video was too hard for them. One woman went as far as to say I wasn't even really pregnant in the video to have maintained the pace I was. A few disliked the fact that I included bridge lifts at the end of the workout stating that one shouldn't be lying on their back that far along in the pregnancy. Let me clarify that the amount of time on your back (and you are doing bridge lifts so you are never fully on your back for an extended period of time) is approximately 30 seconds to 1 minute. The majority of  women (myself included) end up giving birth on their backs (which I do not recommend because it's working against gravity to push the baby out as opposed to squatting) and pushing for up to three hours. Even when you get a check up during your pregnancy you are laying on your back to be measured. It seems many women are opposed to working out and will come up with any excuse to avoid doing so.

Why are we discouraging other women from working out while pregnant? Why are we talking ourselves out of working out and using pregnancy as an excuse? As a fitness instructor of yoga, spin, kettlebells and barre I am someone who enjoys working out. I am passionate about working out because I found exercises that I enjoy and thus it doesn't feel like a chore to me. I knew gaining weight was inevitable while pregnant but that didn't mean my arms couldn't be toned, my legs couldn't be in shape and my butt couldn't be perky. I was not going to "give up" just because I was pregnant; I saw it as training for two and me being strong meant a strong healthy baby.

As your best friend, someone who has been through pregnancy and labor I must implore you to work out while pregnant. It isn't called labor for nothing, having a baby is a lot of work both mentally and physically. After Charlotte was born every single muscle in my body ached from the contractions and pushing her out. My labor was eight hours long which, all things considered is relatively short. The reason my exercises in my video were timed at one minute is because that is how long a contraction lasts. Once in active labor they will last for one minute and be spaced out about four minutes apart. The contractions start coming closer together as you get ready to push and if you must be induced and have an artificial stimulant like Pitocin your contractions will be erratic. If you cannot breath through an exercise for one minute than you are in for a rude awakening my friend. Having been through it I can tell you there is no burpee, plank, jumping jack, leg lift, box jump, pull up, sprint or push up that compares to the pain of a labor contraction. None. You know those blood pressure cuffs they have at the doctors office they put around your arm? It's like having one of those around your abdomen squeezing you until your eyes water then releasing. Just like an intense work out, labor has an end in sight and the reward is a beautiful baby. But you will work for that baby, yes you will. Unless you have resigned yourself to laying on a table drugged up, having your abdomen cut open while your arms are pinned down by your side awaiting someone else to pull your baby out and your diamond tennis bracelet push present....I suggest you prepare your body. Ask any woman who has had an involuntary C-section...it's painful and it's not fun. More painful than a natural birth for sure and you can suffer years down the road because of it.

So ladies, best friends, can we make a promise? Can we please stop telling our friends not to work out while pregnant? That would be the equivalent to signing up for a Triathlon, not training and expecting to finish in one piece. Can we please stop recommending books to other women that tell them exercise won't help them in labor? With advice like this and such an aversion to working out it's no wonder the US has the highest unnecessary C-section and obesity rate.

I remember when I was pregnant I had so many women at the gym come up to me and tell me I inspired them. They saw me in class working hard and taking care of myself and they said it motived to work harder themselves. For all of you pregnant women out there taking classes, running, working out, please know you are not only doing the best thing you can for you and your baby you are inspiring those around you. Leading by example is powerful and when other women (and men!) see what you can do they will do the same for themselves.

Give others a reason to work out please...not an excuse.

Telluride Yoga + Hiking Retreat August 21-24th 2014. Elevating your yoga practice.

I am so thrilled to announce that this August 21-24th I will be guiding 13 adventurous spirits on a yoga and hiking retreat in Telluride, Colorado.

As a 200 hour RYT it has been my dream for awhile to host a yoga retreat. Summer's however, have largely been reserved for my other goal which is climbing all of Colorado's 58 peaks over 14,000 feet. The vision became clear to me this year that it doesn't have to be one or the other, why not combine both passions? So I have designed a retreat around yoga outdoors and pristine hiking amongst the wildflowers in one of the most remote parts of the state.

Telluride was the natural choice for its beauty, history and availability of hiking trails right off the deck of our lodging. Our accommodations will be at the Viking Lodge where I have reserved a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house that's complete with 9 beds plus a sleeper sofa. While it is shared accommodations, those who register for the trip first have pick of their sleeping situation although no one will be disappointed with this house:

 

The best feature is the 900 square foot wrap around deck that will be perfect for morning and evening yoga and meditation. There is also a pool and hot tub available as well as a gourmet kitchen where guests can treat themselves to whatever meal they chose. In order to make this trip budget friendly I have opted to only include a light snack (yogurt, coffee, tea, fruit, granola) for breakfast so that those who wish to explore the excellent choices of dining in town, only footsteps away, can.

This retreat is limited to 13 people to keep the feeling intimate and to be able to really get to know one another. So often at retreats there is a disconnect from the host and the attendees but not here! You can come solo or bring a friend and still feel right at home. Once at the retreat there is no need for a car as we are within walking distance to hiking, yoga and town so those who prefer to fly into Montrose or Telluride airport have that option. I can arrange a shuttle service for a fee from either airport for you or you may wish to drive from Denver. Carpooling can be arranged as well.

The tentative schedule is still in the works but you can expect meditation, journaling, twice daily yoga practices, one long hike and the option for an afternoon soak in the hot tub or siesta time. The hikes I will chose will be challenging enough for the intermediate hiker while not overwhelming for the novice. Blue Lake, Hope Lake, Bridal Veil Falls and Ajax Peak are all right outside our door and the exact hike will be revealed to you upon your arrival.

The early bird special extends through May 1st and is $350 per person. After May 1st the price goes up to $475 per person. This is one of the most affordable retreats on the market not to mention a bargain for staying in one of the most beautiful properties in Telluride right on the river.

For further questions please contact me at natalieallen72@yahoo.com. I would love to see you in Telluride in August!

Ready to commit? Sign up below!

How you should really be prepping for baby

Welcome to part two of my three part series on the best and worst parenting advice you are likely to receive! Something about having a baby bump or baby on the hip opens you up to a variety of advice from everyone from your next door neighbor to the lady behind you at the grocery store. After talking with friends and family out there and receiving such a huge response to the question, "What's the worst and best advice you've ever received as a parent?" I decided to make this column a three part series. Last week's blog was my top ten of the good, the bad and the WTF unsolicited advice. This week I'm focusing on my parents-to-be out there and the best and worst advice I've received on preparing for the baby's arrival.

From apps that compare your baby to the size of a fruit as it grows, to the registry help desk at Babies R' Us, moms-to-be can become so focused on the birth, blankets and what mattress to buy that they forget about everything else. I was guilty of buying cute baby clothes and decorating the nursery and overlooked the fact I might perhaps need to find a pediatrician or buy a thermometer and humidifier for babies first cold. My maternity leave was 12 weeks and instead of researching daycares or interviewing nannies BEFORE the baby came I focused on non essentials (like what kind of rug should the nursery have) thus resulting in stressing and crying my last few weeks of leave to frantically find capable hands to watch my child.

Learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of other mom's out there and follow this great advice on prepping for a new baby and what you should be doing NOW:

1. Pick a Pediatrician - The hospital or birthing center where you give birth will want the name of the pediatrician you are seeing before they allow you to leave. Your baby will have a check-up two days after it is born so pick a place convenient to your house. Things to consider: do they have a separate wellness and sick area to keep kids that are sick away from ones getting check ups, what are their hours, do they have an Urgent care on site (always take your child to an urgent care that specializes in children), are they seeing new patients, does your insurance cover visits? Also think about vaccines. If you want to do a delayed vaccine schedule (as I chose to do) will they support you? Are they more holistic in their approach or do they dole out medicine like candy? Start searching today!

2. Pick a car seat and stroller that is practical for your life- Are you a runner or do you barely get down the block for a walk? Do not chose a stroller that is trendy, pick one that suits you and then get a used one and save yourself some money. Look for one you can fold down with one hand so that when you are by yourself you can do it with baby in hand. Practice before the baby is here because let me say from experience you don't want to be caught out in the elements trying to figure out how for the love of it you are going to get the stroller in the car (or out for that matter). We have three strollers and now that Charlotte is older you know the one I use the most? The $10 umbrella stroller from walmart. It's light weight, folds easy and I can maneuver it around the mall, restaurants and easily carry it up and down stairs. While you are at it, pick up the stroller you want to buy and see if that's something you can lift in and out of your car etc. Notice how many times a day you get in and out of your car and that will give you a good idea of how often you will take baby in and out. I recommend an infant seat that attaches to a base in the car then attaches to a stroller. Those infant to toddler seats might look appealing but then you have to take the baby in and out of the car seat every time you get out of the car. Not so appealing when you have a sleeping baby is it? Also you do not need two bases for the car seat as long as the car seat has a slot to slide the seat belt through which all of them do. They have to or you couldn't take them on an airplane. Pick the car that you use the most and leave the base in there. While you are at it, get a mirror to hang on the back of the seat so you can see your baby while driving plus a sun shade to go on the window to protect their face.

3. Buy things used - I get it, we all love new things. Having a new baby is the perfect excuse to buy, or have someone else buy, you all those cute clothes, strollers and the high chair of your dreams. Let me let you in on a secret, all that stuff does is become expensive plastic taking up space in your garage or closet. There is a chain of resale shops here in Colorado called Kid to Kid that my doula clued me in on when I had a panic attack because none of Charlotte's 0-3 month clothes fit when she was born. We made a trip over there and got bags of newborn clothing for $40. Since then we have bought our pack-n-play, exersaucer, activity mat, sleep sacks, coats, bows and just about anything else you could want from there. That swing and vibrating chair we wanted new? In the garage. Children outgrow their toys and clothing so fast it's just a waste of money to buy new. Most resale shops have gift cards so ask for one there and the best part is they will buy it all back when you are done! In fact the only things I recommend buying new are a car seat, diaper bag (it's your new purse!) and cloth diapers (the elastic tends to be worn out on the used ones). Maybe treat yourself to a crib if you like (which by the way you won't even use for about six months so try a bassinet or a rock-n-play instead). Save your money for daycare costs.

4. Figure out your childcare situation now - When you are pregnant you will get a lot of questions on what your plans are about returning to work. It's something I brushed aside until 3 weeks until I was supposed to return and I found myself in a panic to secure childcare. I alternate between using a daycare and a nanny and I can tell you both have their perks and their downfalls. You must sit down and financially figure out how much you can afford first and go from there. How many hours will you be working? What time does the daycare open and close? Is it close to your house or your work making easy access for you and your spouse? Some daycares, especially in-home require a minimum commitment to a number of days your child will be there. Others have waiting lists. I believe I was in such denial about returning to work that I didn't bother to think about what I would do. Daycare for infants is expensive! My best advice is whatever you decide to do a trial run before going back to work. Have the nanny or daycare watch the baby while you go out and run some errands or hit the gym. You will be amazed at the level of anxiety you will feel leaving your baby with a "stranger" the first time. If the first time happens to be when you go back to work all day you might not survive! Text or call and see how fast their response time is. Have a backup too. Daycares may be closed on holidays you still have to work and nannies get sick...remember that!

5. How will you feed your baby? - When I was in the hospital they gave me formula to take home which I wanted to instantly discard. "I'm breast feeding," I thought, "Why would they do that?" But my mom cautioned that I might become sick or have some scenario where it would come in handy to have so I kept the cans of formula. I am so glad I did! No one can prepare you for breastfeeding but yourself so purchase, "The Nursing Mother's Companion," line up a lactation consultant and even take a breastfeeding class. The fact is, you are going to have to feed your baby and whether that's on the breast or the bottle you need to be prepared. Silly me registered for several types of bottles not taking into consideration that maybe Charlotte wouldn't like certain nipples or wouldn't take a bottle at all. Babies may show a preference for certain brands of formula to so if that's the route you chose don't be discouraged if they won't take one kind because they may take another. Since I had to go back to work I knew I needed a pump which my insurance (and yours may too!) covered but I didn't think about how to store all the breast milk I'd be pumping. Fortunately a mom of two gave me a whole breast milk storage kit which I still use. If your baby will attend daycare you will have to bring in their milk in containers or bottles so look for something easy to label and transport. Also just know even if you plan to breast feed things may happen beyond your control - a tongue tied baby, premature birth, mastitis, clogged ducts, infections and more can occur that could derail your plans for breastfeeding. Are you OK with formula feeding if breast feeding doesn't work out? Have a backup plan because baby must eat!

When babies are first born what they need most is your love. You will give and give and give and it will be exhausting because you will not get anything in return. No smiles, no hugs, no laughs...it's basically like trying to bond with a sea sponge. Know as the baby grows and becomes aware of the world around you they will start to engage with you and that's when all the hard work starts to pay off. As you start to prep for baby make sure you take into consideration the advice above which I've complied from moms who've been around the block a time or two! During the pregnancy it's easy to loose focus on what you need for baby rather than what is a want. A little prep work goes a long way for a life that's anything but the expected once your bundle of joy arrives!

What other advice would you give parents to be prepping for baby?

For the parents-to-be....the best and the worst advice out there

In one month Charlotte will be a year old. I can hardly believe that this time last year I was finishing up flying, teaching as many classes as I possibly could and getting ready for my baby shower. No book, documentary, Internet library, friend or family could possibly prepare me for the adventure that lay ahead. I spent so much time preparing for my birth and labor that I didn't give a second thought as to what I would actually DO when the baby arrived. "It will be instinct," I thought. "Instinct will take over and I'll just do what comes naturally."

Friends, I have to stay, instinct is what took over AFTER I sought out advice. Some people will tell THEIR advice is for you not to listen to other's advice. To me, advice is like learning from someone's mistakes so I don't have to make them myself. This doesn't mean all advice you receive is good although most is well intentioned. So I've compiled a list from myself and other mom's to pass on to all the parents-to-be out there of what I call, "The Good, The Bad and the WTF?" In talking to other mom's I realized that I may have been the victim of more unsolicited advice than most. I attribute this to the fact that my job as a flight attendant and fitness instructor put me in contact with more people on a daily basis than some see in a year. I fly with a different flight attendant and pilots almost daily and so from the time I was visibly pregnant until now (The question, "So do you have kids?" is always a standard) I have received many an ear full of suggestions, comments, and words of wisdom. Here's some of the best advice my friends and I have received:

The Good:

1. "Don't wish away their lives"

2. "Enjoy because it goes by quick"

3. "Parenting begins when you become pregnant" - The first decisions you make from the time you see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test are your initiation to parenthood. From picking a care provider, choosing your birth plan, registering for baby gifts...all these are just the initial decisions you make that start you down the path to being a parent. When the baby arrives you'll make more decisions and change your mind 1,000 times but it's all a part of the journey.

4. "Breastmilk cures almost anything" - This from my doula who suggested I put a dab in Charlotte's eye when I called her wondering why does Charlotte have a goopy eye when she was a baby. When Charlotte caught a cold from daycare I frantically nursed her as much as I could and saw her improve drastically. That stuff is a miracle worker.

5. "Everything will pass" - the late night feedings, the crying for no reason, the teething, the gas, the vomiting, it's like a rain storm that hits you and then without warning it's over.

6. "Sometimes babies cry for no reason. Just let them cry it's ok." - this from a man at Walgreen's when Charlotte was having a meltdown just as I was printing 80 photos from the photo kiosk and couldn't escape the store. I realized her crying was louder to me than anyone else and it was OK. Sometimes your baby will be dry, fed, burped and they will still cry. Just try not to join in.

7. "Your love will grow." - This from a mom who was in agony over her second baby and wondering, "How can I love this baby more than my first?" The answer for her was that it's not about loving one child more than another or trying to balance your love it's about growing your love. Love is like a blanket that gets bigger with each member you add to your family and there is no limit to how big that blanket can grow. Your heart will always have room to grow to love more.

8. "You need date nights" - This is usually from friends who have family that live in town and can leave the house sans baby whenever they want. So seek out friends with children who are just as desperate as you to escape for the night or bite the bullet and pay a sitter. It doesn't have to be often but you really do need a night where you can sit at the bar, order food and eat it without rushing and talk uninterrupted.

9. "Never wake a sleeping baby" - Unless the house is on fire for the love of it all just let them rest! Many mom's are told to wake their baby up to feed them in order to establish a milk supply. I did this to Charlotte which resulted in an angry baby and a frustrated mom who couldn't get her baby to latch because baby was tired!

10. "It's ok to breastfeed AND use formula." -So many websites, books and fellow moms will make you believe it has to be one or the other. At six months Charlotte would nurse on both sides and still be upset. Chad would give her 4oz of formula and voila she'd drink it all and be satisfied. However you feed your baby there is nothing wrong with it! Is breast milk preferred? Of course, even the boxes of formula say on them, "Breastfeeding is best." However, never sacrifice your babies needs for your own pride.

Most of the bad advice I've personally received was when I was pregnant. Other women see your baby bump as an open invitation to tell you their birthing horror stories and toddler nightmares. The best advice to any pregnant woman seems to be, "Enjoy your sleep!" or "Sleep while you can!" which by the third trimester is pretty much impossible. Pregnancy is such a short period of time in the grand scheme of life and when the baby is inside your body takes care of everything. Pregnancy also prepares you for the influx of bad advice you'll receive from other well intentioned parties. To clarify, I consider "bad" advice to be anything that is unhelpful, unnecessary or demeaning.

1. "Take the drugs, don't be a hero" - Fun fact, I will never compete in the Olympics. I will probably never run a triathlons either. These are both events where medals are handed out at the end for all your hard work, dedication, preparation and mental focus. I get that there are no medals handed out for having a natural childbirth but that doesn't minimize the fact that a lot of women prepare for and want one. Also not helpful is telling women who express their desire to want a natural birth that, "Once in labor you'll change your mind."

2. "Giving birth is the hardest thing you'll ever do" - Labor and childbirth end but once the baby is here your life will never be the same. When someone tells you that giving birth is hard it sets you up for focusing only on what will be one day of your life. My labor was 8 hours and compared to an 8 hour day with Charlotte sometimes, that was a walk in the park.

3. "Sleep when the baby sleeps" - As one of my friends put it, "Sleeping when the baby sleeps is bullshit. Just get used to it, have a breakdown and move on." I don't know why so many people tell new parents to sleep when the baby sleeps as if you don't have a life outside of baby. I would say this instead, "Prioritize and learn to let stuff go." In the beginning you won't be able to take a shower, nap, clean your house, eat and catch up with friends all in one nap time so don't even try. Pick what you need to do most and go from there. Sometimes that may be a nap and that's OK!

4. "Breastfeeding makes you lose weight" - Let's get something straight here, breastfeeding burns approximately 500 calories a day. Have you taken a moment to look at the labels of the food you are eating? A salad with dressing has about 320 calories. Add in a piece of toast with butter or a few cookies or a latte to that salad and now you're back to square one aren't you? In the beginning your body will hold on to the baby weight so it can make enough milk for your new baby and as you breastfeed your body will continue to store extra calories. Many women don't even see a change in their bodies until AFTER they stop breast feeding a year or so later. Breastfeeding is wonderful but don't be disappointed if the weight doesn't melt off like you think it should. In fact, the opposite is likely to happen that you'll retain weight BECAUSE you are nursing.

5. "Don't read books or research, trust your gut" - If you were going into open heart surgery wouldn't you want to know everything about the procedure then make the best decision you could based on what you knew? I approach parenting the same way. I don't have all the answers and sometimes I can't trust my instinct because I don't have an instinct! When Charlotte was an infant I changed her diaper only to find out it looked like a salad. I was only feeding her breast milk so I didn't understand why her poop could possibly look like that. Instinct told me to keep feeding her and disregard but the situation wasn't getting better. Only after researching and talking to my doula did I figure out that a change in MY diet as well as making sure she fed longer when nursing would produce a healthy stool. I have a friend who could only feed her baby breast milk through exclusive pumping. She did the best she could, trusting her instincts when it came to pumping and bottle feeding but struggled a lot. She said it wasn't until further research that she found resources to help for exclusively pumping mothers. Know it's OK to read books and learn all you can because there are experts out there who can help!

6. "Don't drink caffeine!" - Telling a pregnant women or tired new mom they shouldn't have caffeine because it's bad for the baby is just asking to be slapped in the face. No one should overdose on caffeine, pregnant or not but 200-300 mg is considered acceptable and safe for pregnant women. Judging some ones choices by their baby bump (or assuming someone MUST be done nursing because after all why would you be drinking wine?) is asinine.

7. "You're holding the baby too much, you'll spoil her" - there's no such thing

8. "It gets better" - We've all been guilty of saying this and though it's the truth when you have a screaming baby who has just blown out her diaper and you are out of wipes and forgot a back up outfit and going on day 14 of no sleep...well hearing this just makes you want to kill someone

9. "You only need to breastfeed three weeks because babies get all the nutrition they need then and after that it's just extra" - Here's better advice: Breast feed as much as you can as long as you can.

10. "They grow up right before your eyes" - Children grow up behind your back not in front of your face. One minute they are playing with the water as you fill up the bathtub and the next they fall over the side and in head first to the tub. While I'm all for giving your children space to grow and learn, you realize quickly that it's the moment you stop paying attention that your baby does something (good or bad).

The WTF advice:

"Why wouldn't you just have a c-section so you don't wreck your vagina?" -from a woman who has never had a baby. NO. Just no.

Interestingly enough most of the advice I got from other moms was not to listen to anyone's advice. That each child is unique and what works for one won't work for another. Parenting is mostly baptism by fire and trial and error and you will take much advice, including what I've listed above with a grain of salt. To me, however, all the advice I've received has caused me to pause or think in some way. When someone tells me, "No THIS is how you should be holding your baby," when my daughter is crying, I just think to myself, "She's tired and needs to nap and THAT'S the cause...not how I'm holding her." The bad advice just reaffirms what I know and believe about my child and the good advice that aligns with my baby reinforces that every now and again I get it right. As someone once told me, you can't be a perfect mother every day but you can be a good one.

So what's the best and worst advice you've ever gotten?

You can have it all after having a baby...it just takes balance

Every Friday I teach a spin kettlebell fusion class at a studio space here in Denver. I've been teaching this class for about three years now and enjoy the high intensity of spinning combined with pushing students to their limits in the bootcamp style class that follows the second half hour. After having my baby last year I wasn't sure if I would be able to return back to teaching the class. The noon time slot had been ideal but was it really worth it to pay someone to babysit just so I could maybe make $5 after paying a sitter. I had built the class up and loved the students however, and couldn't stand the thought of letting the class go to another teacher. So I had a talk with a friend who had quit her job to stay at home with her boys but also taught yoga and spin part time. She asked me, "Well does teaching the class make you feel human? Does it make YOU feel like...well just YOU? At the very least you will get time for yourself and get your workout in." She had a point and I had my answer.

I had to feel human again after having a baby.

Deciding whether or not to return to work after having Charlotte was a big issue for me. Before I even had a baby one of the reasons I felt I couldn't have one is the thought of returning to work. How could I have a job AND take care of a baby? As a flight attendant my schedule varies month to month and week to week. To quit would mean losing my health insurance, paid vacation time and holidays and the extra income so when it came down to dollars and cents it really didn't make sense. I decided to start bidding stand-ups which is where during the week I basically leave late at night and work the last flight into a city and the first flight home. I get to be stay at home mom during the day and working mom all night. Monday morning, Thursday night, Friday afternoon and Saturday morning I teach yoga or spin so my only real day off most weeks is a Sunday. The schedule is exhausting yet rewarding both financially and mentally.

Between my three jobs, the hardest one is staying at home with Charlotte.

As your best friend, the one who tells you what no one else will, I can honestly say that you have to do something that makes you feel human. Something besides raising another human being. Having done both for the past 7 months I can honestly say if I had to be at home with Charlotte full time I would probably have gone crazy by now. When you stay at home with a small child everything you do goes unnoticed. You clean the house (this is my therapy anyways), you keep the toddler from drinking bleach or eating the potted plants, if you are lucky you take a five minute shower, you feed the child, put them down for naps and maybe in-between all of this you have some downtime for you. Day in and day out your life is focused on one thing which is your child. There is no pay and no one recognizes any of the hard work you did.

My mother stayed at home for years with all four of us children until my parents got a divorce and she went back to school and got her nursing degree. Once she started working again I am sure it was hard and she made sacrifices but if you look at the photos of her when she was a stay at home mom vs working mom the difference is astounding. She honestly looks ten years younger in the photos where she is older and balancing work and children rather than just being around her children all day. We learned to appreciate our mother more as well. When she started to work sometimes she wasn't there in the mornings to make our lunch so we learned how to do it ourselves (how hard is putting peanut butter on bread really? but it tastes better when someone else does it for you!). We went from having our mother pick out our clothes in the morning to picking them out ourselves and learning to wake up on time or be late to school. Weekends became more sacred because this was family time instead of just an extension on having mom home all week. Make no mistake I enjoyed having my mom home, but after she started working she became a more interesting person because she was experiencing more life outside of the home.

Knowing now what's it's like to do both - be a mom and have a job, I can honestly say I am a big advocate for women to have something that is uniquely theirs. Perhaps it isn't a nine to five job but I firmly believe you have to have a life outside of your children, your family and even your husband. When I teach yoga or fly the friendly skies I have the opportunity to make connections with other human beings which can (and has) in turn led to other greater opportunities. The decision to go back to work wasn't one I entered into lightly and at times it seems I'm spending more money than I am making. What I remind myself is, however, that being away makes me appreciate the time I do have with my daughter. Since I am not around her all day we have both learned to thrive apart and when we are reunited our bond is stronger than it was prior.

I know I have many friends who are stay at home moms and I certainly respect that decision and I know sometimes staying at home is looked down upon just as much as working. I am not advocating one decision is better for anyone else than another. What I will say, as your best friend, is that you need to protect your sanity and have a passion that lies outside of just your children. It is easy when we have babies to forget the person that we were before and forget what made us, uniquely us. Whether your passion is teaching fitness, volunteering at the human society, blogging or graphic design it's important to remember what you excel at and continue to challenge and push yourself personally and professionally. I know even now when I go visit my mom at work and I see all the lives she's touched and how she's making a difference and the friends she's made that it makes me proud of her. I want Charlotte to have a strong female role model in her life and I think as mother's it's our duties to have our daughters (especially) and sons do the same. Work, whether up in the sky or in the yoga studio is where I have made some of my best friends and I treasure the moments I get to take in coffee after class and chat uninterrupted or commiserate over happy hour at a hotel on an overnight. I want Charlotte to see me as someone who isn't missing moments on her life, but someone who is working to build a better future for her and for myself.

So if you've been thinking about expanding your life outside your home I say go for it and if you're already doing that I say don't feel guilty. Preserve some you and some sanity for the future. After all, your children will grow up and one day have lives of their own so don't lose what makes you the special YOU in the meantime.

　

saying goodbye to the Magee B&B

As the saying goes, if you love something set it free. This Valentine's Day we set free what we loved the most. Something that has been both a burden and a blessing, a source of pride as well as the cause of a lot of angst. Love will do that to you - cause you to love and be in pain at the same time. The letting go was a mostly mutual decision and, like all good-bye's this was the best decision. Now we are both free to move on and explore what else is out there.

Yes, friends, my husband and I closed on and sold our house.

I have been warned not to fall in love with real estate before because you'll only get your heart broken. When I saw our house for the first time though, I fell in love and there was no turning back. The hardwood floors, the spacious kitchen, granite counter tops and new appliances and carpet were all so appealing. Three beautiful aspen trees out front -my favorite tree - seemed to be practically begging me to make them mine. There was a fenced in back yard, five bedrooms and two bathrooms and a park at the end of the street. You couldn't ask for a better spot to live or more friendly neighbors. We closed and moved in about this time 4 years ago and it's been one hell of a ride ever since. Love is not without its flaws. Love will make you blind.

Like any relationship, the newness faded and the house became more of a burden than a blessing. After my maternity leave last year we never quite financially recovered and reality set in about our future together. My husband and I are the type of people who have wanderlust. We love to travel, explore new countries and cities and spend our nights camping under the starts in the summer. We have always lived in small spaces from a 400 square foot studio apartment to a 900 square foot house. This 2,600 square foot house we owned gave us space to roam but only within the confines of its walls. The house was an anchor and it was drowning us. That's how relationships become sometimes - they smother you, weigh you down, cause you anxiety and hold you hostage. We saw our future together and it became clear that we were no longer good for each other. Time to move on.

There were many tears of course as there always are when you're breaking up. We questioned ourselves and if we were making the right decision. One night while packing my husband pointed out that it wasn't important that we were leaving the house because we got to keep what was inside. "The house is just a shell to hold all of our stuff. We get to take everything with us when we go" he said. This statement made me realize that most of life is made up of shells and containers with which we hold our treasures. Wooden frames hold our pictures of moments we want to remember. Bindings of books hold the words of our favorite stories. Our heart is a muscle that holds all our love and feelings inside. The body is a shell in which the soul resides. When we leave this earth we have to leave the vehicle that drove our soul around behind, but the most important part of us moves on. What stays in one place decays.

Without movement there is decay and stagnation. What sits in one space for too long eventually becomes obsolete or dies. When water becomes stagnate it becomes full of bacteria and turns brown and murky. Our bodies are made up of mostly water and I have to think the same thing happens to us when we stop moving and stop going with the flow. For four years we stayed in one spot and you wouldn't believe what we accumulated. A lot had to be thrown away, most went in storage and only a small relevant part holds a space in our new place now with us. We could have stayed in that one house the rest of our lives and never known the world outside those walls. But we are not people who like to remain still and our urge to be free was too strong to deny.

Two of the aspen trees in front of our house eventually died and we had to cut them down. To me it was a sign from the universe that if we stayed too long our fate might be the same. We'd live and die in one space and only our stumps would remain...an empty shell of what was once beautiful. Now we are free to seek out the beauty of the world, to wander for as long as we like and to find a new shell to call home.

We're free. What a relief.