Baby Magee's first flying for free for my Birthday

Charlotte got her first taste of the flying for free magee lifestyle a few weekends ago when we went to Birmingham, Alabama for my birthday. I would have preferred an international location per my yearly birthday travel traditions but since my dad and brothers had not met the baby we decided to make the trip there. Should you be traveling with a six week old in the near future I have some advice for you – Don’t Do It!

Just don’t even think about it.

Ok you are ignoring me and are going to travel anyway I know. You are probably smarter than me for starters and wouldn’t dream of attempting to fly stand-by. However, I am a flight attendant and this is a “perk” of my job so stubborn me wanted to attempt the trip without buying confirmed plane tickets. Wisely my friend Jessica suggested we bring our stroller even though my mom had one in Birmingham. The stroller is only a pain in the ass when it comes to going through security. In fact, you just have to get over yourself and know that now you are THOSE people going through security. You know the ones holding up the line with tons of bags and cannot get through the line fast enough to the distain of those behind them. Chad and I use to breeze past those people. Literally I would cut in line ahead of them (bad habit from my job I know). I cannot have imagined doing it without Chad because it takes more hands than I own to pull off this feat. Not having traveled with an infant before I also realized that I had no clue where the elevators were located which are key for getting you to the lower levels with a stroller. TSA was surprisingly helpful however and we were able to make it on our way to the gate with time to spare.

Boarding the plane presented a new set of challenges. Charlotte had slept through most of the activity and it was my plan to feed her on the plane so her ears would pop. Chad and I weren’t sitting together of course so we had to ask people to switch which was a hassle because we were last on the plane. Not only that but the seats we switched to were at the front of the plane so we had to put all our bags in the bin above us which of course was full. I put Charlotte down in the seat to help Chad and she started to fuss to which the guy behind us says, “Oh great we haven’t even taken off yet and that baby is crying.”

Let me tell you when you fly, people are assholes on the plane to you when you have a baby. Another thing I had to get over. Oh sure, I was that person at one time, rolling my eyes and sighing loudly and making it a point to plug head phones in my ears. Karma has come back around though because now I am that undesirable person with the baby that everyone cringes when they see you heading down the aisle. Well get over yourself no one wants to sit next to you either.

Our trip to Birmingham was wonderful because we had so many hands to help hold and entertain Charlotte. No wonder people live close to their families after they have kids. My mom even babysat while Chad and I could go out for a nice dinner for my birthday. You take for granted having an uninterrupted dinner let me tell you – one where one of you doesn’t have to shove food in their mouth as fast as they can so they can calm the crying baby. We went to have beers at Avondale Brewery and then to the Veranda on the Highlands. I will say we ended up talking about Charlotte the majority of the time we were away from her…

Flying home from Birmingham was a whole different ball game. We couldn’t get on the flight out Sunday so my mom had to come pick us back up and take us home. Normally this wouldn’t be a huge cause for concern but when you pack everything up to head to the airport and go through the task of going through security etc with a baby only to have to leave again…well its pretty defeating. Since we had not planned on staying an extra day I had not brought a lot of extra outfits and Charlotte (and us) were running low. Make sure when traveling with a baby you not only pack plenty of diapers, wipes and clothing for the baby but for all the shirts they will ruin of yours as well.

After having an extra night in Birmingham we were ready to fly home the next day. I loved seeing my family for the extra time but our cat was locked in the house and someone was watching our dog so it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and went for round two at the airport only to watch another direct flight take off without us on it. Flying stand-by is bad enough, add a baby in to the mix and its extra stress. I looked up flights and saw we could hop on Southwest and so we went to the gate and got our boarding passes for the 5pm flight. What we didn’t realize was that this flight was not direct it actually had a stop over in New Orleans. From Birmingham to New Orleans the flight was wide open but once we landed in New Orleans the flight attendant made an announcement, “Magee party of two please bring your stuff to the front!”

Surely the gate agent in Birmingham wouldn’t have cleared us for the initial flight had she known we would be stuck in New Orleans. She saw we had a baby right? Right?!

The flight from New Orleans to Denver was oversold and now here we were dumped in another city and stranded for the night. I lost it when the gate agent told me they may not be able to bring my stroller up. I was bawling so hard I couldn’t contain myself from the stress of traveling with a baby and the feeling that we were never going to make it home. Needless to say, someone fetched my stroller. We had to get a hotel room for the night in New Orleans and proceed to buy plane tickets home because it was the only way we were going to get anywhere. Fortunately my best friend Casey lives in New Orleans so the next day prior to flying out was not a total loss.

Chad bought us tickets on Air Tran and we thought we were home free the next day. What we didn’t count on was a ground delay as we taxied out resulting in a 45 minute delay on the ground in New Orleans. When we landed in Atlanta we had to sprint from the D to C concourse in hopes that our plane, which we only had an hour connection for was still there. You haven’t lived until you have sprinted through the airport with a baby strapped to your chest following your husband who is carrying your luggage in both hands. Needless to say had Chad not been there I would not have even bothered because I couldn’t have made it. This is why it pays to be in shape after you have a baby should you choose to travel.

Upon arriving at the gate in Atlanta they told us that the flight was closed and they had given our seats away because we were not there. I think my look must have been one of utter defeat because the gate agent told the other guy working the flight to pull the volunteers off the plane for us. Here is where it paid to have a baby with us because I firmly believe they would not have put us on the flight had we not had a child. I must say Charlotte had done wonderful up until this point. She traveled better than we did all things considered. After a one hour flight and one hour delay and sprinting from gate to gate however, she desperately needed a diaper change. A diaper change that I could not accomplish because once we were in the air they promptly parked the cart by our row and moved slow as molasses serving drinks. Let me tell you, everything is ten times more annoying when you have a baby. When they start crying and you know what they need you want to give it to them instantly to make them happy…especially when you are in a pressurized tube full of onlookers. I have come to realize after our adventure that it was usually women who were the most helpful and looked at Charlotte (and us) with the most thoughtfulness. It was the men who were always first to make rude snippy comments such as, “Oh GREAT another baby” or roll their eyes at me when Charlotte would cry while I was waiting for the restroom. Men out there – get over yourselves. You were once a baby and I’m sure your mom had to leave the house with you from time to time so quit with the rude comments and looks when you see a woman with a crying baby. 99% of the time she’s doing the best she can.

Here was my biggest lesson from traveling with an infant – that children will do what they want and parents are just trying to do the best they can. If you think a baby is crying loudly believe me to those parents she is crying ten times louder. Traveling with children is a means to an end and something not many of us choose to do if we can help it. However there will come a day when you need to leave on vacation or to visit family or friends and these little extensions of you must come with. If you are a person who does not like small children around you then consider driving your own car or chartering your own mode of transportation.

I can hardly believe I myself have been on this earth 32 years. I really did not give much consideration to my birthday this year because I have been so focused on Charlotte. I guess part of being a parent is giving up being selfish. No longer is everything about me, it’s about her. I will say that these past two weekends of celebrations the greatest gifts have been being around friends and family and just having someone else to hold Charlotte to give me a break. I cherish my time with her but it is nice to see others hold and interact with her. I want her to be comfortable with others and outgoing and well adjusted and the time starts now. 

My next trip around the sun I have another traveling companion with me and I couldn’t be more excited for all our adventures together. While traveling with a child has its moments of frustration I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world nor have I ever found a better seat mate….

Don't Wish their lives away

Sunday I celebrated my first Mother’s Day. Last year on Mother’s Day I was getting up to teach a spin class for a friend and I remember Chad saying to me, “If you were a mom you would get special treats today, but you’re not!” It was his teasing way of trying to get me to soften to the idea of having kids. If anyone would have told me last year that the next Mother’s Day I would have had a baby I would have called you crazy. What a difference a year can make.

I have always celebrated my mom and grandmother’s and aunts on Mother’s Day, but I never fully understood the meaning until I became a mom myself. Being pregnant is a process and giving birth itself is hard work and painful we should all appreciate the woman who went through this to bring us earthside. We all have a mother or we wouldn’t be here and no matter what ones relationship is with their mother later in life, to know that someone gave you life is the greatest most unselfish gift of all.

Chad made sure he did everything possible to give me a wonderful first Mother’s Day. There was breakfast in bed, we lunched, walked around the Highland’s and just spent the day together as a family which is what I wanted most. I received sweet texts and facebook messages from my friends wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day and this meant the world to me. For someone else to recognize your hard work and dedication in being a mother is refreshing. I spend most of my days like I’m sure most moms do beating myself up thinking I could be doing better. When I put Charlotte to bed at night part of me is sad knowing that is a day I can never get back. I curse myself for having negative thoughts when we have a bad day and nothing I do seems to make her happy. The loss of sleep will do crazy things to your mental health.

Being a mom is hard there is no doubt about that. However, I know this was my intended path for all that the universe has unfolded to me. My relationship with MY mom and sister is better for having Charlotte. I now know my own birth story from my moms point of view, something I never even cared to ask about before. My sister and I have someone in common now that is bigger than us and our egos. The other day she sent me a gift for Charlotte and included dry shampoo in there. Dry shampoo because she knows how hard it’s been for me just to get a daily hair washing in. That is love. My relationship with other women who are moms is better. I can now relate on a level that I never could before. The other day after bootcamp I was sitting in the park with Charlotte and two women stopped by to ask how old she was. One of the women was pregnant and two weeks from her due date. We ended up talking about midwives and primrose treatments and natural births. She was an athlete like me and in the end thanked me for sharing my positive birth experience. “All you hear is the negative,” she said. “And it doesn’t help. I’m just glad to know there are positive stories like yours out there.”

It’s true and I’m just as guilty as anyone – there is a lot of negative out there. Motherhood is not all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. There are days when Charlotte has puked in my bra while nursing and blown out her diaper in the car seat. There are days when Charlotte is crying so hard her face turns red at the store and I’m sweating I’m so flustered and I just want to drop my items and run out screaming…especially when I hear a teenage boy mutter as he walks by, “Shut that fucking baby up.” There are days when all I want to do is sleep in and I hear her crying at 5am and I just wish I could turn it off.

Then Charlotte will smile.

Because in-between the horrible are moments of wonderful. Like when Charlotte looks at me with those big blue eyes while she is nursing like I’m the best thing in the world. The days when Charlotte is content to sleep on my chest and snuggle. The times when I walk around the house with her and she has her tiny fist tucked under her chin and just stares at everything. The afternoons when she comes with me to lunch with a friend, bootcamp and then my hair appointment and never makes more than a whimper in protest.

I look at Charlotte and know she is the best part of me. She is the pure parts, the wonderful, the innocent, the love I have inside, the selfless. Charlotte is my greatest achievement in life and my legacy. She will be the piece of me that lives on and carries my story after I die. She is the hardest and best part of my day every day.

I know I am only 6 weeks in to being a mom, which is not a lot of time to have passed but I am already so humbled and in awe of all the moms out there. I do not even feel qualified to have joined the ranks of all the wonderful women around me and before me. Every day I am learning and trying to do better and hoping it is enough. I have finally come to realize that being a mom is just about unselfish love and in life love is the only thing that matters because at the end of the day it’s all we have.

I was out with Charlotte the other day in a yoga store and was bestowed some great advice by the woman working in the store. She told me the best advice which had been told to her which was not to wish your children’s life away; to enjoy every day no matter how hard. This advice has changed how I approach my days. When I look at Charlotte now, no matter how rough the day has been I do not wish for it to end.

I am making a conscious effort now not to wish her life away.

What you do today matters

When I was at the end of my pregnancy with Charlotte the most common question I received was, “Are you ready for the baby to be born?!” I guess towards the end of most women’s pregnancies they are miserable and ready to be done and have the baby out. I however, was different. I would always reply that I wasn’t ready for the baby to be born and was happy to have her where she was on the inside. I knew that once baby was born, life would become more complicated and I wouldn’t be able to be as free anymore and I don’t think there is anything that can prepare you for that change.

 Now that Charlotte is here, I love having her to hold in my arms every day. I find myself going against most book recommendations of letting her sleep in my bed because she sleeps better and I enjoy her cuddling with me. She prefers being held to being laid down so most of my day is spent holding her or having her in the baby sling because it truly is the only way I can accomplish anything. 

 

She is an instant conversation starter wherever we go as people go bananas over babies. There is innocence about them as well as a sense that they are hard to win over. People love holding a baby when it isn’t crying - it makes them feel like they are a good person and are doing something right. I don’t think there is a faster way to make someone feel like crap then having them hold a baby and it starts screaming.

While babies are sweet, innocent, loving and snuggle bugs they can also be a pain in the butt. There are ways Charlotte affects my day to day life that I had no idea she would until she was here. I am not talking about lack of sleep or the fact I can hardly feed myself because I’m feeding her all day, I am talking day to day simplicities I once took for granted. Since I have so many friends who are new moms or are about to become mom’s I thought I’d address the things that you can no longer do as easily now that you have a baby in tow. I’m skipping the obvious luxuries and giving you examples of things I miss on a daily basis:

Coffee runs. I once thought nothing about running in to 7 eleven for an iced coffee. After having Charlotte there is now a whole production with taking the car seat in and out of the car on any errand we go. I have to think, “is that iced coffee really worth it?” I don’t think it’s socially acceptable to leave a baby in the car while you run in somewhere although believe me I’ve thought about it. Then I remember how I’ve had concerned citizens surrounding my car when I leave my dog in there and think better about doing so. Places with drive thru’s are your new best friend.

Grocery shopping. Unfortunately not every place has a drive thru and you will be forced to leave your vehicle and go inside. If it is raining or snowing I avoid even trying to go to the store because it’s too much of a hassle. I have found it is preferable to park by where the grocery carts are returned so I can grab the car seat and put Charlotte in the cart easily and then wheel her in the store. These grocery store outings have to be carefully timed with a nap so I usually do my shopping on our way home from somewhere when she’s already asleep. Chad and I pushed our luck however a few weeks ago and attempted to go to Whole Foods after she had already been sleeping while we worked out at the gym for an hour. She woke up and had a meltdown in the store resulting in screaming and turning bright red so I took her out of the car seat to hold her while people stared at me with pity. Yes people will stare at you like you are the cause of your baby freaking out. I also have not mastered how to put Charlotte in the car and unload the groceries with the cart without having the cart roll away somewhere in-between. I went to the store the other day after Chad came home sans Charlotte and it was amazing how freeing it felt to run in and run out without the whole production.

Going out to eat. I have been fortunate enough to be able to meet my friends out for lunch dates with Charlotte. Chad and I have also been out to dinner several times with her and it was a breeze. What I did not realize though, about many of my favorite restaurants is they are not baby friendly. Some have high chairs for you to put the car seat in, others do not. Changing a diaper becomes an issue when you see the bathroom has no changing table so there you are trying your best to do it on the floor. I highly recommend a travel changing pad for these purposes. Having to travel with a car seat and stroller just presents a new set of logistical problems when it comes to maneuvering. I also have to be prepared now for Charlotte to want to eat when she wants to eat. I truly felt like a mom the other day when I was sitting on the patio furniture at Ikea breast feeding while Chad looked at shelving units.

Shopping for yourself. Prepare to become an online shopper because once the baby is born you will have a hard time shopping for yourself. Being pregnant semi prepares you for this because, well, you pretty much give up on shopping since you are in maternity wear. Now that Charlotte is here my body still isn’t back to where I want it to be so I haven’t bought any clothing. I started thinking about buying clothing the other day and became too overwhelmed with the thought of bringing Charlotte with me. My thought process went something like this:

“Will I bring the stroller in with me or leave it in the car? If I bring the stroller in how can I go in the fitting room? If I leave the stroller in the car then how can I carry the car seat and shop?”

The good news is I’m saving a lot of money which is fabulous because I don’t have money to spend right now. I know I could shop when Chad is at home but right now I’d rather use that time away to take a yoga class.

What I think I miss the most is being spontaneous. I cannot do the simple meaningless things that take up time in a day. I cannot run out for coffee or cupcakes, clothing, groceries or lunch on a whim. I must carefully consider Charlotte and her needs before I attend to my own throughout the day. Having Charlotte has made me much more choosey about how I spend my 24 hours. In teaching my yoga classes I have always encouraged my students to spend their time on their mat wisely because they are exchanging an hour of their life for it. Now I find myself living my own yoga advice. As a birthday present to myself I signed up for a bootcamp through my gym that is every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for an hour starting at 9:30am. While it is hard some days to get out of the house on time, this is an hour that I get to spend not only on my fitness and in the company of others I enjoy but Charlotte can come as well.

babies and box jumps

Instead of spending my days running around creating errands for myself to keep occupied, I am actually focused and centered on one task for the day. It is yet another trade off of being a new mom – I swapped a bunch of little things that I thought mattered for one big thing that actually does.

So I encourage my mom’s to be out there to enjoy the little things that make up your day- putting on make-up, drinking coffee, having lunch with a friend or taking yoga with your husband. Enjoy your trip to the post office, the bank, the dry cleaners or to the nail salon. Soon you will find just one of these things overwhelming enough to fit in an afternoon. In exchange find something even better that benefits your life, your mental health and your child. Whether this is a breast feeding support group you attend, baby and me yoga, a walk with your dog or gardening, find something you love and then commit to this at least three times a week on a daily basis. I think you will find, as I have, that once your incorporate your babies schedule into your own your day will be more structured but also more productive. You leave the ultimately meaningless behind and your focus shifts to what really matters most to you. Chose wisely.

Until then, enjoy running around with your baby bump…it gets a whole lot harder but also a lot more fun from there.

One month, one heck of a meltdown

This morning I was in tears. It’s the third time I’ve cried since Charlotte’s arrival. The first was when she was actually born, the second was her first real meltdown in that first week when she was crying and looked so helpless and the third was my first real meltdown today. The tears were a breakdown from a culmination of events that transpired the day before as well as a build up of lack of sleep in the past four weeks. I had taken Charlotte to have some newborn photographs done and everything that could go wrong did – she wouldn’t sleep, she pooped on set, she peed on Chad and she cried one hour and fifteen minutes of the two hours we were there. She had hardly slept all day long. Anyone that recommends, “sleep when your baby sleeps” has obviously no sense. How the hell am I supposed to sleep while driving, or while walking the dog? Because that, my friends, is about the only time she sleeps. So don’t tell me to sleep when my baby sleeps because on the rare chance she does let me put her down long enough while dozing I’m doing something that makes me feel human like shower or brush my teeth or eating. Breastfeeding isn’t what makes you lose weight it’s the fact you can’t eat anymore because you don’t have time or if you do eat you now have to eat one handed. Ever tried to eat quinoa with a fork over a baby’s head while she’s breastfeeding? It’s not pretty. When she did fall asleep yesterday it was after our evening walk and she was in the baby bjorn. I put her down in the bassinet after extracting her from the carrier while trying not to wake her and she promptly woke up one hour later.

This morning, at 5:30am after feeding her for yet the third time of the night, I laid her on my chest to try and coax her back to sleep and she puked in my hair. I’m talking puke that went down my neck and onto the pillow case and covered the blanket. I feel like I’m living in a fraternity house because it seems my whole bed is covered in vomit. After this moment I couldn’t help but cry. I was tired, my baby wouldn’t stop crying and best of all would not go to sleep. Chad finally put her in the bouncer in the den, shut the door to the bedroom and told me to sleep and not worry about Charlotte. So I did. Two hours worth of uninterrupted sleep and I felt like a new woman.

I did not get to shower today or put on makeup but I got to sleep for two hours, have brunch with a friend and work out for half an hour. That’s the tradeoff I made.

I know I am not alone in my desperation to sleep. Every parent out there experiences this lack of sleep and knows exactly how I feel. I guess what I’m really mourning when I distress about the lack of sleep, is to some extent, my old life. The life where I could stay up until 1am and sleep in until whenever. The life where I wasn’t awakened every fifteen minutes by some sound Charlotte makes when she does sleep that startles me whether it’s a half cry or a slight whimper. I am blessed with a child but I will never sleep the same way again. For the first three weeks it was manageable but when reality hit me today that this was my new normal, well all I could do was cry. One does not realize how important and precious their sleep is until it is gone. There is no luring it back. I cannot catch up on it and I cannot obtain more of it and now I have to learn to live without something I squandered for so many years. Who wouldn’t cry?!


if only I could sleep this soundly now


After posting on facebook about my lack of sleep I got so many wonderful messages and texts from other mom's and I felt comforted and validated. Sitting in bed, breastfeeding Charlotte at 2:30am while Chad and the cat and the dog all sleep soundly in bed around me can feel lonely. Yet, across the world there are other mom’s doing the exact same thing I’m doing which is reassuring. I know this will pass and sooner than later she will sleep but today the old me finally surrendered. I am weary, I am tired. I do not get to sleep, eat, workout, walk, shower or leave the house when I want anymore. The Natalie I’ve been holding on too for so many months and so many weeks has finally had to say good-bye. I am a mom now. I know it sounds weird but I didn’t realize this until this morning as I was covered in vomit with a baby crying in my ear, breast pads scattered throughout the bed and hair damp from awful night sweats. I am still me but at the same time not. I am sure every woman goes through this moment. For some it may be the moment they give birth, for others like me it may take a few weeks to sink in and that’s ok too.

This afternoon I walked to the Walgreen’s by my house with Charlotte in the baby bjorn and a burp cloth hanging out of my yoga pants pocket. The route I take goes right in front of the high school and it was at that time where kids are leaving for the day and many were gathered by their cars or on the soccer field. I was walking past all these high school kids with a baby on my chest and burp cloth in my pocket and dog leash in hand watching them watch me. To them I am sure I looked like the mom that I am….

I just don’t know why it took me so long to see what everyone else can so clearly. I guess I didn’t want to say good-bye to the old me. I hope she’s resting in peace wherever she is….

introducing New natalie

What you REALLY need post-baby

I attended a baby shower the other day of a very good friend and while at that shower happened to meet another mother who was expecting. We had brought Charlotte with us (instant conversation starter by the way) and the dad of the expectant couple asked me if I had gotten everything we needed at our baby shower. Of course we hadn’t, and I told him so, and he then asked what it was we found we now needed once the newborn was here so they could prepare themselves. What I realized in talking to this man and his wife, however was that most of the things we needed weren’t for Charlotte they were for me! Once you have a baby it’s infinitely harder to leave the house and run to the store for things so I thought I’d compile a list for all my mom’s-to-be out there of things you will need once your baby is born. Some of you may read this, ignore my advice, then find yourself at three days postpartum running to the store or logging on to amazon to order these items anyway so save yourself the trouble now. Forget the cute onsies and baby bathtub, put these essentials on your registry or stock up at Costco:

1. Lanolin: Be prepared because your nipples are about to become baby’s chew toy. They will give you samples at the hospital so take home as many there as you can but also invest in a big tube. What makes Lanolin so great is that it’s safe for baby so you don’t have to worry about wiping it off before breast feeding. Apply often.

2.   Breast pads: you won’t think you’ll need these until you leak through your first

      bra or tank top then you will invest. I have been so paranoid about clogged ducts

      so I change mine often. Invest in a box of 60 or more to start with but you’ll need

      more guaranteed. They also have washable ones that you can reuse but if they are 

      anything like baby socks they will probably disappear in your laundry then you

      will just go out and buy the disposables anyway.

 

3. Breast pump: I have united healthcare and my insurance covered one 100 percent so find out if your insurance does before you buy one. Just call your insurance and they will give you a list of wholesale providers and you pick the one you want and order from there. I wish I had mine to start with because I could have been pumping right from the beginning instead of waiting two weeks for mine to arrive.

4. Breast milk storage kit: If you are going to pump you will need bottles to pump into so invest in a storage kit and a few bottles to feed your baby with. Look for one that has freezer bags so you can stash some for later like when you return back to work. Being able to pump a bottle gives me the freedom to leave the house and attend yoga for an hour which has been a sanity saver to say the least.

 

5. Colase: Here is the not so pretty truth – childbirth and then breast feeding takes a lot out of you. You need to drink more water than ever so you don’t dehydrate and get, well, backed up. They will probably give you colase in the hospital but keep some on hand at home too. With the million other things going on in your mind you will probably forget to hydrate and this will come in handy when you do. That being said, remember to keep a glass of water by you when you breast feed and drink the whole thing and you won’t need the colase to begin with.

6. Medicated Wipes: When you are in the hospital you will get your very own squirt bottle and I suggest you bring it home. You will use this as a means to clean yourself after you use the bathroom (don’t worry you’ll realize what I mean after giving birth if you have your baby vaginally). Medicated wipes with witchhazel will help you on your bathroom adventure as well. The non-generic types go by the name of “Tucks” and they can be found by the Preparation H which you might as well throw in the shopping cart as well. I know some of you reading this aren’t going to do this…and then you will send your husband out for these items anyway so save him the trouble.

7. Nightime nursing bra: Buy yourself a nice nursing bra before you have your baby but don’t go crazy stocking up because you won’t know how big your boobs will be until your milk comes in. Then they will be huge and then they will settle to meet the needs of your baby/pumping. You will also need a nursing bra to wear at night as well which ideally is made from stretchy sports-bra like material. My boobs hurt so much in the beginning I didn’t want anything touching them so I slept without a bra – big mistake for my sheets the next day. Tuck some nursing pads in them and you’ll be set until baby wakes you up at 1:30am.

8. Nursing tank tops: Although you may be able to fit into your regular clothes post-partum the trick then becomes finding something to wear that is “nursing friendly” as I like to say. Basically you will need a few tops that you can wear out in public and easily nurse in without completely having to undress yourself. Also now you will find with your expanded bra size many of your shirts are too small so invest in a few and you’ll be happy you did. If you plan on breastfeeding a year than consider that when purchasing as well.

9. Pads: another not so pretty fact of vaginal childbirth is the postpartum bleeding. I recommend an assortment of absorbances because you have no idea how long you might hemorrhage. Another item you do not want to run out and buy at the store post postpartum. As a side note stock up on the mesh panties the hospital gives you. Trust me.

So that should cover you postpartum. I must also insist if you don’t have a nice robe buy yourself one for days you can’t get out of your nursing bra and pjama pants. It will help you look decent when UPS comes to the door to deliver all those baby gifts your aunt sends. A few things I can recommend for baby are newborn clothes and pampers swaddler diapers. Everyone will buy you 0-3 month which your baby will be swimming in so look for things that say newborn on the tag. I urge you to hit up your local consignment store for this purchase because your baby will outgrow these items quick. As for the diapers, I registered for some organic ones to last us through until we cloth diaper and I hate them. The swaddle diapers have this nifty yellow line that turns blue when the diaper is wet. They also have a little lip that goes down to avoid the belly button when baby still has its umbilical cord stump on.

Everyone, including you, is investing in your baby right about now but you need to remember to take care of yourself as well. None of the above listed items are exactly exciting to purchase but I guarantee you will be so happy to have them in your arsenal so that when your baby does arrive you can enjoy life with a newborn and not worry!

Congratulations, you had a baby...now what?

Today I showered, ate lunch, and was able to take a walk all before two o’clock. To my kid-less counterparts this might not seem like a big deal but for me with having a newborn this is monumental. I’m actually sacrificing my nap time to write this blog. When I was pregnant people would offer me all sorts of advice- solicited and un-solicited. I got advice on what to eat, where to buy maternity clothes, insights to birth stories and horror stories about child births gone wrong. Men, women, young or old it didn’t matter, everyone I met or passed by on the street had something to offer me about their experience or their cousin’s mother’s step-aunt’s experience. I read books and browsed the internet and felt fully prepared to have a child by the end of nine months. What no one tells you or offers advice about is what to do after you have the baby. Once you leave the hospital you are on your own and once family leaves and your husband heads back to work you are TRULY alone.

just me and the lil' lady

This is when you might feel depression start to creep in.

No one likes to talk about the baby blues or post-partum depression. As if for some reason it’s shameful. It’s most likely that every woman will suffer some sort of baby blues. Symptoms include: mood swings, anxiety, sadness, irritability, crying, decreased concentration and trouble sleeping. I know I experienced all these symptoms, sometimes simultaneously. For me, my baby blues started once I headed home from the hospital. I had a house full of people and so I felt overwhelmed. I remember walking out on to my deck with my new baby so she could get some sun for her jaundice and feeling physically ill when I looked over the railing of the deck. I panicked thinking that I might somehow accidentally drop her over the edge. Knowing that I was now responsible for the care and well being of another human made me somehow feel inadequate. No one told me how hard breast feeding would be. When you see pictures of women who have had new babies they are smiling and laughing and kissing their new babies. No one posts pictures of themselves at 2am, sleep deprived with a screaming baby, milk leaking from their boobs as they are trying to change a diaper and then trying to get baby to latch. The reality is that while I had friends and family offering their support to me, no one could do the hardest job I needed help with which was breast feeding. It was frustrating, it was hard, my boobs hurt and sometimes the last thing I wanted to do was to feed my child. I just wanted to sleep or pee by myself or put the baby down for a minute. When they cry you think they are going to cry forever. It breaks your soul.

 

I can see how the baby blues, which typically lasts from a few days to a week or two, can turn into postpartum depression. Symptoms for postpartum depression include: loss of appetite, insomnia, intense irritability and anger, overwhelming fatigue, lack of joy in life, feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy, severe mood swings, difficulty bonding with your baby, withdrawal from family or friends, or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. I think a lot of factors can lead you down this path and there is no way to predict who it will affect. I know for me on the days it has snowed it has been a lot harder for me. Not being able to leave the house made me feel isolated and trapped like a prisoner. The days feel extra long when you have a newborn. I cannot imagine having to go through a whole winter being indoors day in and out like a lot of women have to do.

For me, I had the ideal birth experience that I wanted but if I had not there would have been a grieving process for that as well. If you are depressed post partum ask yourself if your birth experience could be the cause. A lot of women have trauma during birth experiencing anything from an unwanted c-section to an un-supportive birth partner, midwife or OBGYN. Do not be afraid to let yourself feel grief because what happened in reality is different than what you envisioned for yourself.

Week two is when I started to feel myself hit a wall and start to slide down the black hole that is depression. It was the first week I was alone every day with my daughter and it had also snowed several days in a row. Most all of my friends were heading down to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica – a trip I would have been on had I not had my daughter. After confessing my sadness to my husband he suggested that I take some time for myself and go to a yoga class at my studio. While my midwife had wanted me to wait six weeks until working out, my post partum bleeding had subsided and I felt good enough to start exercising again. What a difference this made in my mental health. My yoga practice isn’t just about getting in shape or looking good…my studio Qi is my happy place. While I initially felt guilty leaving the house I also knew that it would give my husband a chance to bond with the baby by himself. Whether your happy place is the library, a running group, the yoga studio or the mall I encourage any woman to get out and about sans baby as soon as you feel ready. What ever makes you feel like your most authentic self is what you should do for yourself so you can heal. I was only gone from the house an hour but in that hour I missed my baby and it made me feel happy to come home to her again with a new perspective.

two days post partum

three weeks out - after two yoga classes, one kore barre and two runs on the elliptical plus lots of walks

In addition to combating the baby blues by working out and eating healthy I have also been taking placenta pills. I know my mother would cringe to hear I am talking about this (“Natalie please don’t talk about eating the placenta” is what she specifically told me awhile back) but it’s something that has helped me and might help other women.

Before Charlotte was born I researched placenta encapsulation and felt it was the right choice for me. I am someone who is prone to depression and I wanted to do everything I could to ensure I was in the best mental and physical state post partum to care for my baby. I can’t remember how I first heard about placenta encapsulation but my midwives didn’t seem surprised when I asked them about saving the placenta so the two seem to go hand in hand.

If you are lucky like I was, the midwife will show you your placenta after the baby is born. It is a most impressive organ which happens to look like a tree with all its veins and large round shape (it’s often called the tree of life) that is grown solely for the purpose of keeping baby alive as it doesn’t exist before pregnancy. It grows with your baby and implants on the wall of the uterus. The umbilical cord is attached from the placenta to the baby and this is what feeds and nourishes your child and where they get their oxygen from. Babies can be born in the water since they get their oxygen from the placenta via the umbilical cord and continue to receive oxygen until the cord is cut. After the cord is cut the midwife or OBGYN presses on your uterus from the outside and the placenta detaches and is birthed. As long as you sign a waiver, bring your own container and your placenta is whole it is yours to keep. The hospital will just throw it away otherwise.

I will spare you the bloody placenta picture I have but here is a placenta print - not mine because I forgot paper to do this

My doula took my placenta to the placenta lady that I had found via the internet. Most people who do placenta encapsulation are also doulas and may incorporate this into their services if you so choose. Many will also come pick it up from your house or hospital and deliver it to you once it has been encapsulated. They will want it within the first 48 hours for safety and health reasons and also because you are likely to feel your worst emotionally on day four or five. The process is fairly simple – after being refrigerated first it is washed well and any clots and blood are removed. In accordance with traditional Chinese medicine it is then steamed (with or without herbs) and finally dehydrated and ground down into powder form and placed into vegetarian capsules. You can expect to receive around 100-200 capsules. My placenta lady also dried the remaining attached umbilical cord and made it into a circle for me to keep. The umbilical cord is symbolic because it attached Charlotte to me and like that circle, this new bond that we have has no beginning or end.

So what are the benefits? It is believed that consuming the placenta can: help to balance your hormones, replenish depleted iron levels, assist the uterus to return to pre-pregnancy state, reduce post-natal bleeding, increase milk production (this has been proven in a study), make for a happier post natal period and increase your energy levels. Not a lot of research has been done on placentophagy but it makes sense that at a time in your life when your hormones are under a major upheaval and you have lost a great deal of blood, that the placenta can provide these needs, to help avoid iron deficiency as well as its side effects of depression.

Before you judge – ask yourself this, have you ever eaten a hot dog? Do you drink milk which is from a cows utters? Do you eat eggs which are essentially a chicken’s period? If you think about the things you consume on a daily basis, eating a placenta (which by the way animals do in the wild although let it be noted cows do NOT drink their own milk so marinate on that one) in capsule form is not that crazy. For me, I would rather consume something that my body grew which I know to be safe than be prescribed drugs manufactured in a lab to treat depression or iron deficiency.

do you know how this is made? pretty gross so don't judge

I can only speak from my experience and that is that before taking the pills I felt more anxious and overwhelmed than I did after taking them. Anyone who has seen me in public lately has commented how much energy I have and how happy I seem. I owe it not only to the placenta pills but to a combination of getting back into my workout routines, eating healthy and having a great support system. While I was fully prepared for my labor and delivery, having a baby full time is something that has been a huge adjustment for me. While trying to heal my body I also had the task of providing for another beautiful human life and the weight of that responsibility is enormous. Taking care of yourself and recognizing the signs and symptoms of the baby blues can mean the difference in having a rough couple of weeks or a volatile few months. If you do develop post partum depression don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help! Taking care of number one- you will make for a much happier baby in the long run. There is no turning back once your baby is born, so you might as well pave the road ahead as smoothly as possible.

Two weeks out

I can hardly believe that it’s been two weeks since Charlotte’s arrival. To think that three weeks ago she was living inside my body and now I have her to hold and look at all day long.

 It has been a whirlwind since she got here and we have been fortunate to be surrounded by family these first two weeks. Week one was the hardest for me though my in-laws, doula and mom were here. I felt overwhelmed with trying to breast feed and I wasn’t sleeping much and couldn’t take naps since we had a house full of people. Chad went back to work after a week so then it was just Charlotte and I after my mom, the last of our house guests, left last Sunday. With no one but us home, Charlotte and I could become more familiar with each other and got into somewhat of a routine. On a typical day she will wake up around 5:30am and I feed her then we both go back to sleep until about 8. I feed her again then shower while she sleeps. If I am lucky I get an entire shower in and can blow dry my hair and put on makeup and get dressed before she wakes back up. Then it is time to feed her again, play, feed myself and nap time for the both of us. In the afternoon I try and take a walk if it’s nice to get us out of the house and then we feed again and hang out until Chad comes home. My whole day is centered around her and doing whatever I can to make her happy.

In almost two weeks I had not tried to leave the house via car. I just didn’t feel up to trying to get her in the car seat and put her in the car and go anywhere. A baby’s schedule revolves around feeding so if you do want to leave the house you have to time it so the baby is fed, changed and sleepy. I know after I feed Charlotte I have about a 2-3 hour window where I can get things done if she happens to nap afterwards. Fortunately my sister came in town this past Thursday so I had some entertainment for the rest of the second week. Although I hadn’t felt up to having friends visit or leaving the house I was excited to have my sister arrive.

my sister- baby whisperer

Having my sister here was the best medicine I could possibly ask for. With her help we actually left the house and went shopping for baby clothing and to Target. Small errands I took for granted when I was baby-free that seemed overwhelming with Charlotte here. My sister made it possible though and I felt more comfortable having someone help me get her in and out of the car. On Saturday Chad had to work so we met him downtown at the end of his shift and not only walked around on 16^th street mall but had lunch at Lucky Pie AND went to Denver Beer Co. for a flight of tasters. Charlotte rode snuggled in to my chest in the baby K’tan and was fabulous the whole afternoon. I did have to change her and feed her in the car while Rachel and Chad went ahead inside the brewery – just one of the many adjustments I have to become accustomed to now that I have a baby.

We took walks, we ordered in food, took photos, watched movies and Rachel even cooked us dinner Sunday night. The time went by too fast. I was feeling better than I had before and Charlotte even slept 7 hours on Saturday night. The weekend was over before I knew it and today Rachel had to say good-bye and head back home to San Diego. When I went to the pediatrician this morning the doctor commented that she had never seen the mom of a two week old so well rested – I attribute it all to my weekend of gaining confidence which has led me to feel like myself again.

While I can’t believe Charlotte is here finally, I also can’t imagine my life without her. I cannot believe I ever thought this is not what I wanted or needed in life. Nothing else seems important anymore. I find it hard to post things on Facebook (and anyone that knows me knows I love facebook) because I can’t find anything important enough to say because the only thing that’s important to me anymore is Charlotte. I don’t want to be one of those people that posts pictures all the time of their baby or posting every thing they do so I don’t say anything at all. As much as I am open and public about my life, I don’t want to expose everything about her to the world. I want to keep things between us. I don’t think there are enough words in the world to express how I feel about her so I can’t even begin to try.

What I know is that now my life is different but its better. My sister is the first person who showed me that I can still do the things I enjoy doing I just can’t do them all at once on the same day anymore. I want so much to get back to working out and toning up but at the same time I don’t care that I don’t have the 6 pack abs right now. I don’t want to leave the house for a long period of time just to work on me. There is plenty of time in the future for this. My sister showed me that it’s ok to stay in the house and take naps and just enjoy the company of Charlotte; to not be in a hurry and to enjoy every moment. Before Charlotte, when I would take walks with Bebe I would have my cell phone in one hand and her leash in the other. I was outside but I wasn’t focused on the beauty around me because I was glued to technology. Now when I walk I have Bebe’s leash in one hand and the stroller in the other and there is no time for the sidetrack of technology. I am fully present and more aware than I have ever been before to not only Charlotte but everything around me. When I nurse her I may have the TV on but the majority of time is spent staring at her. I am in awe of this little being that I created and I can’t help but be mesmerized by everything from her cry to her slight smiles.

I am so fortunate to have family that has traveled to be with us these first two weeks. No doubt they were some of the hardest days in my life. The adjusting, the uncertainty, the self-doubt and the enormous weight of having to care for someone who is so tiny and helpless was a lot for me to digest. Now that Charlotte is here there is no break time for me. My old life has been replaced with days that are filled catering to someone else. But for the first time in my life I feel like I truly have a sense of purpose and duty. I may not be making an income right now or working on having the best handstand but I’m responsible for the life of another human being. There is nothing that can be more important than that. My sister, my mom and my in-laws helped me take care of myself so I could care for someone else….and that is the greatest gift of all.