Letters to Bebe: On the day you passed....

Dear Bebe. Sweet Bebe. People keep telling me what a lucky dog you were to have us as your family. And I guess I agree. We didn’t have family that lived in town so everyone became your family. When your dad and I traveled we always had a friend who was willing to watch you. You were such an easy dog. Maybe you got into the trash here and there and one time, while Jason was walking you, you rolled in human feces at the park...but hey, you liked playing in the dirt. You listened when we took you to the park off leash or hiking, yet you’d never get off the couch or out of our friends beds. You loved sleeping under the covers...I think all vizslas do, and we had to warn everyone that was part of the deal when you were with them. I think all the years we had you, we only boarded you 3 or four times at an actual doggie daycare. You were so loved by so many. 

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You’re the only dog who liked to hike as much as me. My human friends don’t even like to hike as much as you did. You would get far enough ahead where I could still see you, but you’d always come back to check and make sure I was there. We summited a lot of mountains together. Remember that time on Mt. Princeton where the fog rolled in and we lost our way coming down? I’ve never been so scared. I couldn’t see more than 5 feet in front of me...but I followed you and I trusted you to stay on the right path. We trusted each other a lot didn’t we?

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Your dad always said I was the sucker. You would come over to my side of the bed and paw at me to let you under the covers. When you were little you slept at my feet. When you got older you were the little spoon to my big spoon. Then you entered your senior years and couldn’t jump on the bed anymore. Yet, you’d sit on the floor by my side, pawing at me. I’d pull you up into bed like you were a child wanting to snuggle. You always seemed at peace in the bed with us. When we went camping you begged to get in my sleeping bag. Towards the end you slept between Chad and I, over the covers with a blanket wrapped around you. When the grandparents were in town you’d go sleep with them. Maybe we were all suckers...but we couldn’t bear to say no to you.

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We made all our life decisions based on you. Where we lived, how close to parks we were and if the yard was fenced in or not. I don’t know why we needed a yard because you loved to run. I could throw the ball for you for hours and it didn’t matter, you always wanted more. We had to hide tennis balls from you because once you found them there was no stopping you. Remember the coffee table where we hid them in the drawer? You’d look at us, then the drawer then us, begging with your eyes for someone to open it. I warned people once they started to throw the ball for you, it would never end until you’d take the ball under a shady spot and rest...panting and tongue hanging out nearly touching the ground. 

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We picked our new house because it has a private dog park. It breaks my heart we can’t take you there anymore.

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We drove to Michigan many times because of you. You were even at our wedding. We decided not to have you walk down the aisle though, just to have you in photos. You weren’t one for lots of attention. We had you in our engagement photos and family photos as well. You were always part of the family. You always will be. I hope you felt that. I hope your soul still does.

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We would buy you treats and toys but you didn’t care much for them. Later on in life we had to beg people not to feed you table scraps because you’d get sick. What you really wanted was to come with us. You’d follow us to the door and beg to ride in the car with your eyes. You didn’t care about things, you just wanted to be with us. You didn’t need a fancy dog bed because you had ours. We still have the stuffed squirrel we got you when you were a baby because you never ripped it up. You ate our couch but you wouldn’t rip up your toys. 

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We had you for so many years and through so many life events that it was hard to recognize your age. When people asked how old you were, we had to think really hard. We couldn’t admit you were 11, 12, 13….we didn’t want to believe your time with us was coming to an end. Gradually we started leaving you at home when we went for walks and on hikes. You just couldn’t make the journey anymore and you would simply stand still and refuse to walk when we did take you out. We would throw the ball and you couldn’t see it….only smell it. I started to come home from my trips and you wouldn’t greet me at the door because you lost your hearing. Your dad use to say you would sniff the air when I walked in the door and that’s how you knew I was home. But then your nose dried up and you couldn’t smell us either.  We would panic when we came home because we couldn’t find you. After a quick search we’d find you in Charlotte’s bed….always Charlotte’s bed, because it was the easiest bed to climb into. We knew your time was coming to a close but still, we didn’t want to let you go.

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There were times we thought we lost you before we lost you. We’d spend a great deal on ultrasounds and bloodwork only to find out you were just incontinent and had dry eyes. There were many times you weren’t acting yourself and we prepared for the worst. We cried and told you we loved you and we’d wake up...fearing the worst, but there you were. I don’t think, if it was up to you, you were ever going to let us go.

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You were never going to leave our side. You knew we needed you too much. Our hearts were never going to be ready to say good-bye.

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When your dad looked and me and said, “it’s time,” I knew in my heart of hearts it was. And I’m sorry I dragged it out for so long. I read on the internet all about senior dogs and symptoms of end of life and I feel guilty for keeping you around as long as we did. You were bumping into things, you couldn’t see. You were restless at night because your bones ached and then slept all day. You were sensitive to our touch and even nipped us a few times out of fear. You got confused and would use the bathroom in the house. You’d spill your water bowl stepping in it and tip over your food. That wasn’t who you were. That was never who you were. At the end you were a shell of your former self. A soul stuck in a body that was failing. But still you hung on.

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So, like all good moms, I made the best and hardest decision I’ve ever made for you. Do you know how hard it is researching euthanasia? You should really research those things before your dog gets near the end. And you should really not answer the phone and have the discussion on the end of your dogs life at a Wal-mart parking lot on a Sunday on your way to buy Christmas lights.

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Christmas….you weren’t going to be here for Christmas.

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They say death is an appointment you can’t cancel. Well, I wanted to cancel that’s for sure. When the Doctor came to the door, my heart sank. We had 24 hours to say good-bye. We snuggled you. We took you to the park. I bought you your very own Chick-fil-e sandwich. I wanted your day to be special. I wanted to do so much more. But you were tired. Your soul was tired. I could tell, you just wanted to go home.

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The Doctor was nice. So nice. Those Veterinarian's are saints who come to your home. All of them are, but can you imagine going to someone’s home? What they must see. You had no idea. You were sleeping quietly on our bed. Your dad wanted to have your final moments of life celebrated on that bed. We didn’t want it to be scary for you...even if it meant a lifetime of sad memories when I look at the foot of the bed.

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You didn’t like the tranquilizer. You fought it. We didn’t expect that. You stood up and you shook. You tried to bite the doctor when she stuck the needle in you. For a moment I wanted to scream no. To stop the whole thing. If you were fighting it didn’t that mean something? But then you settled in as the Doctor rubbed your head. She said there’s a pressure point on the skull dogs find relaxing. I guess you did, because you finally gave in and laid back down. We snuggled you tight in your favorite blanket. The one that was always covered in your hair.The doctor said that was a true testimony to your spirit, always fighting until the end. 

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I saw her cover the needle with a paper towel, but I knew what was in it. It’s bright pink liquid. I worked in a vet clinic so I knew. But I pretended not to watch. She told us when she was administering the medicine. The one that would shut down your brain functions and then your respiratory and heart. Your dad and Charlotte couldn’t speak they were so overcome with tears so I did the talking. I told you how much we loved you. What a good girl you were. The Doctor listened to your heart for what seemed like forever after all the medicine was in your body. It seemed like you were still hanging on. You started puffing breathes out of your mouth. 

“She’s puffing out air because she’s getting ready to fly,” the Doctor said. 

I kept telling you to go. Not because I wanted you to go, but in case that’s what you were waiting on. In case you needed to know it was OK. It felt like you needed that push to fly. I didn’t want to push you. But that’s what mother birds do to their baby birds. Otherwise they’ll stay in the nest forever. They won’t fly if they aren’t pushed because they don’t trust their wings. I wanted you to trust yours.

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“Her heart has stopped.” the Doctor finally said. 

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It seemed like we were waiting a lifetime to hear her say that. And then we kissed you goodbye and sobbed the biggest sobs. And we wrapped you up in your favorite blanket and your dad and the Doctor carried you out on a stretcher. The Doctor wrapped you in a second blanket with paw prints. I saw a box of them in her car. That must be the good-bye blanket.  Kinglsey and kitty bitty were at the door of our bedroom after you passed. It was as if they knew. They didn’t bother us while we were saying our final good-byes and the Doctor was in the room but they came to look in and wish you farewell before she came back with the stretcher to take you away.

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They put you in the back of her car and I hugged the Doctor. She really was a saint for what she did for us.

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And then we came in the house and it was so empty...like you were never there. 

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We cried on the bed where you just were. I looked over and your food bowl was full. It still is. I can’t bear to empty it. As if you might come back in perfect form at any moment in time.

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We bought this bottle of wine with a Vizsla on it at a little orchard in Michigan two years ago and we saved it. We saved it and we didn’t know why we just knew it was special. So we opened that bottle and toasted to you. It was bizarre...the minutes and hours after you were gone. There was the most beautiful pink sunset we watched and I knew that was you saying to us you were OK and flying high. Free of pain and your earthly body which was failing you. We all just kinda wandered the house aimlessly. Drinking wine. Crying. Distracting ourselves with a hot tub soak and the TV. I clutched the blanket on the end of our bed that smelled like you still and I slept with it all night. I woke up to the cat on the end of the bed and I thought it was you. I didn’t want to sleep but I wanted the worst day ever to be over. Maybe if I closed my eyes the bad dream would end.

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I was wrong. The worst day wasn’t the day you passed, it was the next day. The first day we had to live without you. No one to let out on the grass. No one to mix food and medicine for. You loved sleeping under the covers and as much as I always wanted to make the bed you were always in the way. For the first time in 13 years it was easy to make the bed because you weren’t in it. Too easy. I would give anything for another day with a messy bed if it meant you’d still be here.

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I know this won’t be the last time I’ll write to you. I have so many words left to say and conversations to have with you. I don’t want this to be where it all ends...the story of you...of us. Your life as a Magee. But I just wanted to remember our last 24 hours with you. Our quiet time in the sun. The final words I spoke to you. How you looked as you passed. How I thought I saw a little tear come out of your eye when I was holding you and telling you I loved you and realized it was just a tiny piece of glitter. Maybe a little bit of my makeup that had gotten on your face. 

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A little of me rubbed off on you but your love and spirit forever rubbed off on me.

Getting our Soak on: a hidden Utah gem

This past weekend my husband, daughter, (old) dog and I went for a little road trip adventure to some hot springs in Utah that I didn’t even know existed until a few years ago. I was google searching “bathtub hot springs” when trying to find this one:

Spoiler alert: the bathtub in the photo above doesn’t come up on a google search (the springs feature above would take me several years to find), but Mystic Hot Springs did. I looked up the location and the establishment was in Utah; much too far for a drive for a weekend trip when we lived in Denver. I also didn’t have the time to make the side trip while traveling to and from my Zion retreat earlier this year. So, since we live on the western slope with closer access, we were able to book a one night stay at this unique, quirky, hot springs.

I consider myself somewhat of a professional soaker. I love hot springs and I’ve soaked at just about every one of them in Colorado. Some have been clothing optional, some have not, some unregulated and remote and others on every “Welcome to Colorado” visitors guide. I was prepared for anything visiting Mystic. I went in with no expectations, which is pretty much how I approach any adventure in my life, and therefore my expectations were exceeded.

I booked a camping spot for one night since we were traveling with our dog and there was only one cabin that allowed dogs. At Mystic you can camp (they have tent and RV sites), stay in a cabin, rent a room in the Mars Hotel Guesthouse, or stay in a bus. The tent sites have picnic tables, a fire pit and electric hook up and there’s a common grass area and bath house with showers and flushing toilets and sinks. There’s also a water pump and dish washing station. We opted to inflate an air mattress and sleep in the back of our car and use our tent for gear storage as temps were forecast for the 30s each night. You can pick whichever camp site you like when you arrive the cost is $30 a night per person ($15 for kids under 10) and includes unlimited soaking from check-in to check-out. The hot springs are open 24 hours so we had a more secluded experience later at night and early morning since the majority of the day-pass people come in the afternoon from what we witnessed.

I booked a stay here expecting weird and quirky and that’s exactly what I found. The welcome email I received, upon booking, told me to expect just that. Look, not everything is perfect here (which I prefer). There’s no food on site to purchase, but there are plenty of crystals and retro clothing items. They don’t sell firewood but there’s plenty of piles of wood in the form of rundown cabins. There’s buses that are empty and full of junk and peacocks roaming the property along with chickens. The emu’s and llamas don’t run free, but you can visit them on the other side of the guest check-in house:

Charlotte really loved the fact that there was also a kids playground which wasn’t anything fancy but between that and a bent hula hoop we found in the free box, she was entertained when we weren’t soaking.

OK, on to the soaking details. There are two large pools and six cast iron bathtubs. Of the two larger pools, one is shallow (2 feet deep) and features a waterfall created by minerals. The deeper, hotter pool, is four feet deep and better suited for adults. 

We spent quite a bit of time at the larger lower pools because our daughter obviously liked swimming in the shallow pool and we could hang out in the adult pool and watch her. You can’t see the bathtub hot springs from the lower pools, and they were usually full, so we would just wait at the bottom until we saw people hike down from the upper pools and then one of us would book it to the top. The bathtub hot springs had the best views and more solitude, but they only hold 2 adults max and you obviously wouldn’t share them with a stranger.

I think most people who come to these hot springs come for the bathtubs because they’re so unique and they have the best views. Plus, when else do you get to soak in a hot springs in a tub that’s melted into a mountain of minerals? I can’t imagine this place on a busy weekend though as you’d never get your turn in them. Camping provided an excellent opportunity to get up early and get them to ourselves as well as staying up late and enjoying them at night. These were about as hot as the adult pool at the bottom. From the upper pools you can see where channels were dug and the hot water was just diverted to various pools. I'm not sure why they don't have more pools as there's obviously plenty of water supply. 

I also rented a wide angle lens for my Nikon so that my husband could capture some photos of me in the springs when we had them to ourselves. I’ve been wanting a wide angle for awhile and my friend Lexi suggested borrowlenses.com so I picked the 10-24 f3.5 and was not disappointed. I truly think if you want to capture some of the best photos of this place a wide angle is a safe bet.

Honestly, I was expecting a more eclectic crowd than what we encountered. Besides meeting a man camping who had a cat on a leash, we really didn’t meet too many wacky personalities. People meeting and people watching is one of my favorite hot springs past times and I relish hearing people's stories. There were two moms and daughters we met who were on an adventure home from hiking the Wave. All four ladies were awesome and we enjoyed talking with them. They stayed in the bus called Big Ben and let us take a peek inside after they left Sunday morning. If we hadn’t had our dog with us I certainly would have considered renting a bus for nothing else but the sheer novelty of staying in one.

A bus stay would really be exciting, especially since your only lock for them is a flimsy carabiner. 

The stay here is obviously what you make of it. Of course there’s things in need of repair and updating and they could add in more tubs to soak in and maybe stairs to climb uphill to get to the tubs. There’s only a port-a-potty by the springs to use at night and there’s a lot of funky things here and there. I joked that if my dad designed a hot springs that this would be what he would make. A come-as-you-are you can take-it-or-leave-it place where you can relax and unwind and be judgement free. Unless you’re naked, because it’s not a naked hot springs. There’s also no dogs or drinking or smoking in the springs. As far as family friendly destinations go, for one as hippy as this, most people around us were following the rules. 

To me, Mystic Hot Springs is a hidden gem. It’s unique and the vibe is very laid back and the hot springs themselves are amazing. It was never worth the almost 8 hour drive from Denver for us, but now that we live on the western slope we can enjoy it as a quick weekend escape. I’d love to come back with friends and enjoy an epic weekend of camping and soaking. Also worth noting there is a Walmart in town if you need any camping supplies and the Frontier Restaurant in Monroe had a great breakfast we enjoyed before heading home. We made a point to stop at some scenic overlooks along the way and took our time enjoying the desert before heading home. We’ll definitely be back to this little piece of paradise tucked away off the highway in Utah!

Also worth noting I wasn't paid for this blog and wasn't asked to review the property. I just really enjoy sharing some of the amazing places I visit with others. Since Mystic Hot Springs is a pay to enter hot springs, I don't feel guilty sharing the location as I want others to have the experience I did. However, I did not geotag this location on my Instagram because I feel like it's too easy to click on the destination and show up without knowing anything about the place. To me, it's important to do your research when visiting destinations so that you respect these places and abide by the rules so that everyone may enjoy them in the future. I felt that anyone that took the time to read my blog would take the time to check-out the Mystic Hot Springs website and enjoy this locals favorite responsibly!

Aleader Adventure Shoe Wear Test

Adventure seeking is what fuels my soul. What’s just as important as traveling and seeking out these adventures is the footwear I choose. I’ve seen many people turning around from hiking mountains and on trails because of improper footwear. I tend to choose bulky hiking boots to wear when I seek to summit mountains, but I had nothing on my shoe rack that fit the description of a shoe I could wear off the hiking trails. I wanted a shoe I could wear to pick my daughter up at school and walk simple trails with her afterwards. I needed something I could walk my dog around the neighborhood trails. I also wanted something I could paddleboard wearing or cross streams and waterfalls in without worrying they would be waterlogged for days. 

I finally found the perfect shoe in Aleader. I had the opportunity to test out their XDRAIN CLASSIC KNIT WATER SHOE when we took a trip to Michigan to visit my in-laws this September. The shoes were light and fit easily into my carry-on bag so I didn’t have to worry about weighing down my luggage. We spend a lot of time on the lake when we visit Michigan so it was the perfect opportunity to see how these shoes held up. They dry quick so I was able to wear them on the jet ski or taking a sunset boat ride and still wear them home for dinner without having to change shoes. I was worried about slipping on the dock with how light the shoes were, but the treads hold up nicely and I never felt as if I was going to fall.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in Michigan so I’m not on the water all the time as I’d like to be. I was curious how these shoes would hold up when we traveled back to Colorado and hit the hiking trails around town. We adventured to a popular canyon which was a mix of hiking on rock and sand. My daughter loves to climb rocks in this area so I chased after her to truly test out the grippy soles on my Aleader shoes. Sand isn’t the easiest thing to hike on, but even with the little air holes in the shoes I found that they didn’t fill with dirt or debris. There are many times I love to hike in sandals for how light weight they are, but I don’t love getting rocks in in-between my feet and the shoe or stubbing my toe on obstacles. I found the Xdrain technology allowed for maximum water drainage on the lake but kept my feet nice and dry on the trails. This shoe is the perfect transition for my busy lifestyle from sand to sea!

My husband and I recently moved from the busy city life of Denver to a more relaxed pace on the Western Slope in Grand Junction, Colorado. When we were moving I donated so many pairs of shoes that I had hidden on a shelf that I never wore anymore. I realized I never wore those shoes because they weren’t versatile with my lifestyle. When we travel I don’t like having to take several different types of shoes and when I backpack I really only want the ones on my feet and ones to wear around the campsite. I really wish I had these last fall when we were backpacking Havasupai as these would have been the perfect shoes for all the stream crossings.

My Aleader kicks got one final adventure this weekend when we ventured to the high country for some fall foliage scouting. I wore these shoes while we walked around the aspen groves and even though the ground was wet from the overnight storm, my feel stayed dry. I found they worked well with socks for when I needed a little more protection when the air was cooler in the morning.

Life is full of travel and adventure and there’s endless potential for exploring. I am so happy I was able to simplify my life and find a brand of shoe that allows me to transition from one activity to the next. They also carry men’s and kid’s sizes as well so I’m excited to order some for my daughter and husband so their feet can be just as happy on our adventures as mine are. Use my code YOGIMAGEE15 for 15% off your pair of XDRAIN CLASSIC KNIT WATER SHOES and see how well they pair with your next trip to the great outdoors. Pro-tip, I’ll often take the soles out and use a hair dryer to dry them out if I’ve been playing in the water and want them to dry more quickly. 

Happy Adventure Seeking!

Natalie Magee aka @yogimagee

Life so far

“Do you miss it at all?”

That’s the question that we get every time we tell someone we moved from Arvada to Grand Junction. 

The answer is always the same, we smile and we say, “No.”

But the real answer is a little more complicated. 

We’ve been in Grand Junction almost a month now and had some time to adjust to our new surroundings. 

Neither of us had been to Grand Junction before we moved here, but that didn’t scare me. 

When I moved to Colorado I had never set foot on the ground here and yet, after flight attendant training, that’s where I found myself based.

I left Birmingham, Alabama….the only home I’d ever known, left my friends, my family, my apartment, my car and even my dog and set off for a new adventure.

At least moving to Grand Junction didn’t mean a cross-country trip. 

So here’s what I miss about Arvada:

I miss our friends. I miss my daughter’s school. I miss Costco. I miss our mini-farm. 

I miss teaching at The Freyja Project and my friends there. I miss poke bowls. 

I miss driving to work and not having to pay for parking. I miss the breweries.

That’s really the bulk of what I miss. Overall life here is great. 

We have a way better house that’s not off a busy road and is quiet inside. 

We have views for days and great walks around our neighborhood. It takes us 45 minutes to drive to the closest ski resort and costs $160 total for all of us to ski. 

No lift lines or traffic. 

Colorado National Monument is 25 minutes away and there’s never anyone crowding the trails or parking. 

I can take all the photos I want and not be bothered. I love having a soaking tub in my bathroom. 

I love having a closet that actually fits all my clothing. I found a yoga studio what has 25 people in class even at 9:15am on a Tuesday and everyone is friendly and parking is free. It takes 10 minutes to drive around town. My daughter’s school is easy to get in and out of...the staff and parents are nice and they all raise the flag together on Friday and say the pledge of allegiance on the lawn. The principal then wishes the kids happy birthday that have birthdays that week. 

I actually don’t mind having friends right now. Not having friends close means I don’t feel obligated to hang out with anyone during the weekday or on weekends. 

When I meet people I can be whoever I want. I have no reputation and nothing to live up to. 

I have places here in mind to run retreats and Daycations and not nearly the competition I had in Denver. 

Yesterday we drove to Fruita and went and swam at the community rec center. We got library cards. We bought a hot tub and new couches. People here are generally nicer. We’ve been able to reinvent ourselves here and start over with a new house, less clutter, new school and new routine. 

I never thought I’d be starting over at this point in our lives, but if you don’t take opportunities when the universe presents them to you then you can’t live up to your full potential. For years we said we wanted to move closer to the things we love - hiking, skiing, biking, Utah, National Parks, Telluride, Ouray, hot springs, a simple life. We talked about it and dreamed about it and imagined what that would look like but we thought that this was something we’d be doing 20-30 years from now. When the opportunity presented itself to move, it was like the universe was saying, “OK here’s what you’ve been asking for, now what are you willing to sacrifice for it?” We had to move, to give up some belongings, to sell our animals and some furniture. We had to say good-bye to our friends and some comforts like being close to an International Airport. We had to decide if all those things were worth trading in for an opportunity to live the life we always wanted. 

And we had to say yes.

You can’t be scared to do something just because it’s uncomfortable. If I had been scared to leave Alabama I’d never know all the people I know now. 

It’s hard to picture what my life would have been like had I stayed in the south. Where I would have worked, who I would have married or what friends or kids I might have had. 

I’ll never know that life because that’s not what I chose. And the same is true now. Chad and I and Charlotte will never know the life we would have had if we had stayed in Arvada. 

Where we would have ended up, what new friends we would have made or how Charlotte would have progressed in school. Maybe everything would have stayed the same but we all just grew older. 

Going to the same grocery store and restaurants and me flying the same schedule. Teaching at the same studio and Chad driving out to do the same work for his job. Over and over. 

Every day until we retired or died….whatever would have come first.

But we chose another path. 

The path of uncertainty and a little anxiety and worry. I hope I’m sitting at this computer 10-20 years from now and looking back on that choice and how it propelled us into a life that I can’t quite picture yet. 

All I know is, this gamble has paid off before and we’re risk takers...and we’re betting it will pay off again. 

As Chad always says, “you can’t win the lottery if you don’t play” and even if we don’t hit the jackpot(although it certainly feels like we have so far)
it beats the hell out of never playing this game
called life.